Month: March 2015

Year One…

Year one will be all over the place…various emotions and feelings to happy memories and laughing on the inside. Come along with me on my journey of the first year as a widow.

I have so many days that are up and down at the same time I don’t know where to start. Since I travel every weekend to see the people that make laugh and forget about the heartache (at times), the ride home on Monday mornings seems to be the hardest. In our dating season, we always talked for the 2.5 hour ride home. Whether it was about randomness or topic specific, we would talk. Since December, that drive seems longer and longer each time I make it. Half the time I spend it crying and just thinking about him, thinking of the guilt that comes along with being in a long distant relationship/marriage while your husband battles cancer, not having the ultimate control over your circumstances. The other half of the time is spent singing to keep me encouraged, giving me the strength to not give up, not be so hard on myself, just trying to stay positive about life. At the end of the day, I was still a good wife, friend, supporter, and encourager to him and that’s what usually makes it that much easier to handle. Let it out (scream, cry, whatever you do) when you can and need to, talk about it with someone if you need to, just don’t lose hope that it won’t get better. We all grieve and in different ways…this is just my version.

Until next time…

sig EF

 

Change of Scenery

Taking a trip with the hubs and the youngest son this weekend to Atlanta Georgia. The two older boys went to Mamaw’s for Spring Break and we’ll pick them up on the drive back to NC. I’m excited to smell some “different/new” air, eat at some “different/new” places, and see some “different/new” people! You know, just enjoy a change of scenery for a couple of days. I would have loved for this to have been an ADULTS only trip but our normal sitters don’t tend to do well with the youngest if they know we’re out of town LOL. So to avoid all the interrupting phone calls and numerous text messages with questions about when we’ll be back and have we left yet, we just decided to bring him along. We’re looking at a 6 hour drive with a three year old! Our plan is to leave very early in the morning (4am to be exact) to get ahead of the traffic and to tackle a good chunk of the trip while our son remains asleep. Now being about that planner life, you know I have an entertainment bag with some of his favorite activities and snacks! Its funny how excited I get when I know I’m going on a trip, the anticipation makes it hard to sleep the night before. Its truly sad, I’m like a little kid on Christmas Eve =D I just believe that a change in scenery is necessary for everyone ever-so-often; to have a change in daily routine, to renew and refresh the mind, to explore new things, and to experience a different environment.

Don’t ever be afraid of change. Embrace it, empower it. Change can be so healthy! Growing up, I looked at change and thought change was negative. Mainly because the change(s) made the people around me act negatively. Once I got to high school and really understood what was going on around me, I chose to LOVE CHANGE. Whether it meant we were moving to a new house, or there was a death in the family, deciding to go away to college, etc. I mean the cons were obvious but I chose to focus on the pros and adapt to change.

So now I’m extremely eager to hit the road for a change of scenery! How about you?

sig TW

Emotional Roller Coaster

Okay so I’m having a day ladies. Like I’m not here for it, not in the mood, leave me alone, give me 50 feet kinda day. I’m really trying my best to get out of this funk but nothing is really helping at this point. This blah feeling inspired me to write about EMOTIONS!

Admit it; we have all struggled with our emotions at one time or another. Whether it is “that time of the month”, or something didn’t go your way, we as women sometimes do not know how to fully control our emotions. Let me give you an example. So my Sweet Pea is going thru another phase of the Terrible 2’s (almost 3’s) and it is driving me nuts! (A toddler will show you that you are not as strong as think, chile!!!) These days if she does not get her way or is told ‘no’ she immediately starts screaming, I mean no tears, just a very loud uncontrollable scream. Normally I’m able to handle it pretty well, but that was not the case yesterday. I was almost to the point of where I just wanted to grab my purse and leave for a while (she wasn’t alone, her Daddy and Nana were home too). I almost felt like I did when she was a newborn and I couldn’t get her to calm down…you guessed yes I wanted to cry and scream too! But nonetheless I had to put on my big girl panties, swallow those tears back down and carry on as if my feelings were not totally crushed! (It was not very easy to say the least).

On my drive into work this morning, as I reflected back on the events of the day prior, I started to compare this situation to others in my life where I may have thrown a tantrum of my own. How many times do we as women pout when we don’t get our way, or give our husbands the cold shoulder because of a small argument or disagreement. (Guilty as charged!) I mean I can go a few days without saying anything if I’m ticked off about something, which is definitely not the best option especially in a marriage. (I’m working on it, please pray for me lol) In the same sense, how many times have we ignored or turned our back on God because we didn’t get what we thought we deserved. Trust me I’m not pointing fingers because I am guilty of it too. My husband has often times told me that I am too emotional and to get over it. And I am quick to remind him that I’m a woman and we are emotional creatures. Okay yes that may be true. God did make women to be the weaker vessel (in relation to a man) but we shouldn’t use this as a crutch when dealing with our emotions.

A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of. ~Luke 6:45

Wow. That scripture alone just shut me down completely! Our heart houses our emotions, so whatever you have tucked away in your heart will eventually come out of your mouth. And really if it doesn’t come out of your mouth, it will show thru facial expressions and body language. So we have to be careful and truly be watchful of how we deal with our feelings and emotions. Every situation doesn’t require a tear or an outburst.

Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end. ~ Proverbs 29:11

So, you are probably wondering how the story ended with Sweet Pea’s tantrum yesterday. Even though I was irritated, upset, and slightly defeated, I went ahead with my normal nightly duties without having a break down myself. Yes I have to admit that I was a little less vocal than normal, but sometimes that is best to not cause further conflict. (As long as it doesn’t linger for a few days lol) After I got Sweet Pea tucked in bed, I did grab my purse and left for a little while just to clear my mind and regroup. That was the best option in dealing with my emotions for that situation.

So I encourage you to stop and think first before reacting or giving in to your emotions. We are allowed to have a moment; we are human that’s natural, but remember it is only a moment. Yes this is a challenge and I am by no way perfect at it, but this is something that I (we) will conquer!

sig KT

Adventures of my new hobby…

I’m so loving this new hobby. I’ve had the pleasure of baking some sweet treats for Katesha (girlfriendKT)!!!! She requested cake pops but I threw in some extra goodies. This was my first time really trying out a few decorating tips that I’ve been studying. If I say so myself…I think I did really really REALLY good job :D. I also did a few recipe modifications this go round, which came out pretty tasty as well! A few things that didn’t turn out like I planned but turned out great anyway were the cookies holding their shapes when baked. I used round shaped cookie cutters that were plain on one side and scalloped on the other. Pretty much all of the cookies came out round with no detail lol. But with the next adventure I will modify my recipe once more to hopefully get that perfect shape-holding dough. Let me know what you think.

cookie2 3.24.15 cookies 3.24.15 cakepops 3.24.15 cookie1 3.24.15 table display 3.24.15

 

sig EF

Strength

I just need strength for this journey. Every day is a new day, a fresh start, a new/continual journey. You know life and living as an adult, a wife, a mother comes with a lot of responsibility. For me, I work a full-time job and still must maintain meals, laundry, and housework daily for my family. And as much as I hate to admit this, I don’t always have it together! No this planner-life chick’s journey plans aren’t all together yet (work in progress, though). There are days I fall apart at the seams. There are mornings that I wish not to start the day just yet. Am I the only one? But I know the longer I lay in my bed and waddle in my so-call-misery the more people affect. I have come to realize that life no longer ALL about ME (its partly about me) but about ME AND my FAMILY as one unit! So my journey includes them all the way because the outcome of my journey affects them. They’re my push > push to look and feel sexy for my husband; push to be active and enjoy activities with my boys; push to take care of me – put “me” (my health) first so I can be here for them! I mean I’m loving how I’m feeling (all empowered and inspired lol) as I’m writing this post… but, truth is this flame does flicker at times and honestly too many times its blown completely out! So yes I need some real STRONG, FIRM, UNMOVABLE, UNBREAKABLE, UNSHAKABLE STRENGTH for this journey of my life!

“Don’t worry that you’re not strong enough before you begin. It is in the journey that God makes you strong.” – Unknown

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Spring Fever

We are 2 days away from one of my favorite seasons of the year….SPRINGGGGGG TIMMMMMEEEE!!! There is so much to celebrate in this new season…the beautiful warm weather, my birthday (yayy!!!), my Sweet Pea’s birthday (Big 3) and one of the most important holidays for a Christian…Resurrection Sunday!! I simply enjoy the sense of “newness” in the air during this season, don’t you? It’s nothing better than waking up in the morning to the sound of the birds chirping outside of the window, or being able to sleep with the window rose, enjoying the cool night breeze.

Have you ever just taken a moment to stop and enjoy the beauty of nature that the Lord has blessed us with? I did the other day. The weather last Sunday was GORGEOUS!!! There were clear blue skies that day, no clouds, a bright beautiful sun shining on our faces, a nice easy breeze…ahhhh it was just amazing! After service I decided to let Sweet Pea play outside for a while to get some fresh air. While she was entertaining herself with her toys and the grass and sticks (lol) I just took a moment to take a deep breath and enjoy all that was around me. We complain about so many foolish things in life and yet never take the opportunity to just stop and smell the roses, literally.

I’m going to start taking more opportunities like this one where I just stop and thank God for the little things that are so easily taken for granted. Spring Fever you say? Why Yes I do have touch of it and I do not want to be healed from it anytime soon!  So here’s to the new season in weather, a new season in life…

“For lo, the winter is past, the rain is over and gone. The flowers appear on the earth; the time of singing has come, and the voice of the turtledove is heard in our land.” ~Song of Solomon 2:11-12

sig KT

How it all started…The Journey Leading up to 12/6/2014

How it all started…The Journey Leading up to 12/6/2014

Catch up here…So after the first few messages and some phone conversations, we decided to meet in person. Being the gentleman, he came to see me in North Carolina. We had a planned but not really planned out weekend (or at least Saturday). We like to call it our marathon of dates lol. We always joked about how we had 3 dates in one day. We did breakfast at IHOP, walked downtown to an art gallery, bowling, and later dinner. Things went pretty well, I beat him in a few games of bowling (I’m not that great and neither was he lol). The weekend went by and he went back home. I had a really good time and not too many quiet moments. We really started talking on the phone every day for hours and texting all throughout the day. Getting to know each other, having those goofy moments, finding out that you share things in common…things like that. Because we both were open and honest people, we talked about it all. We decided about a week or two after our first face-to-face meeting to date exclusively to see where it would go. Would you have thought that after the initial text message?!?!?!? Continue reading…

 

sig EF

The Reality Is

Reality is I’m 5’9” and 248lbs! Apple-shaped with a “heavy” face (as I see it). I went to the doctor earlier this week and he made the suggestion of a more aggressive approach to tackle my weight loss. This approach includes taking prescribed appetite suppressants, intermittent fasting (only eating between 12p-8p), counting calories through MFP, and exercising for at least 30mins 3 times a day! I figured if I’m going to be “real” about this blog and my weight loss journey than I may as well put myself out here! My next appointment is in 4 weeks and I want to be sure to blow him and myself away =D. I mean it’s very depressing to me when I look in the mirror and think of the way I treat my temple that God has only temporarily lent to me. How dare I? Now I’m like lets do this thing and be intentional about it! So I’m holding ALL my GIRLFRIENDS (umm, yes this means YOU) accountable in being my accountability partners!!!

So to begin I hurried back to work and messaged my GIRLFRIENDS (yes we really do message each other literally everyday) to let them know how my appointment went. They are all very supportive (of course!) and Erin even suggested we have a “GIRLFRIENDS. walking pact” in which we all agree to use our lunch times/breaks to go for a walk! We all agreed and I’m looking forward to sharing my lunch time with my GIRLFRIENDS in spirit knowing they’re doing the same in supporting a healthy lifestyle.

My next plan of attack (I told yall I was about that “planner-life” LOL) began with learning what exercises are targeted towards my apple-shaped body type. In simple: an apple-shaped body is one that mainly carries fat around your middle section. I researched and found that the best exercises for my shape are core work and cardio! I also learned what type of diet (diet in terms of healthy eating lifestyle change) is best for my shape. My body type favors eating complex carbs, moderate quality proteins, and avoiding refined carbs! The breakdown looks like this 50% complex carbs, 30% high-quality proteins, 20% healthy fats.

So in the weeks to come I’m excited to share my progress and any tips, tricks, recipes, etc. I incorporate along the way. I want ALL of my GIRLFRIENDS- yes ALL of YOU to be the best “YOU” you can be and that means living a healthy lifestyle, so that you can be more effective and at your best as a woman, a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister, an aunt, at whatever capacity you hold. Well ladies- what’s your reality? (no you don’t have to share your current weight ;)) Are you on a weight loss journey? Have any tips, tricks, etc that have been successful for you? Do you need me to be your personal accountability partner? I am here for you and hope you are certainly here for me!!

sig TW