Year one will be all over the place…various emotions and feelings to happy memories and laughing on the inside. Come along with me on my journey of the first year as a widow.

I have so many days that are up and down at the same time I don’t know where to start. Since I travel every weekend to see the people that make laugh and forget about the heartache (at times), the ride home on Monday mornings seems to be the hardest. In our dating season, we always talked for the 2.5 hour ride home. Whether it was about randomness or topic specific, we would talk. Since December, that drive seems longer and longer each time I make it. Half the time I spend it crying and just thinking about him, thinking of the guilt that comes along with being in a long distant relationship/marriage while your husband battles cancer, not having the ultimate control over your circumstances. The other half of the time is spent singing to keep me encouraged, giving me the strength to not give up, not be so hard on myself, just trying to stay positive about life. At the end of the day, I was still a good wife, friend, supporter, and encourager to him and that’s what usually makes it that much easier to handle. Let it out (scream, cry, whatever you do) when you can and need to, talk about it with someone if you need to, just don’t lose hope that it won’t get better. We all grieve and in different ways…this is just my version.

Until next time…

sig EF