No I’m not writing about Usher’s hit song from his 2004 album, Confessions (although I started singing it too LOL). Today I want to talk about a personal confession that was one of the hardest things I had to do some 10+ years ago.

Recently I was watching an episode of Preachers of Detroit and one to the cast members reflected on when she had to publicly confess a sin to her parents and church family. Hearing her testimony reminded me of a similar time in my life and how I was crushed to have to reveal such a thing to the one person that I never wanted to let down, my Mama. In this particular episode this young lady spoke to the teens in their church about how she got caught up in a relationship that she was not mature enough to handle, which led her to fall into sexual sin. When I heard this, it really hit a nerve.  I was like whoa, this was totally me! It brought back memories of the day I decided to let my mother know that I was no longer a virgin…

I remember the day like it was yesterday. It was a Saturday afternoon, I had just been contacted by my then “on again/off again” boyfriend to meet him at our “normal spot”. At that particular point in my life I was tired of the back and forth and was ready to make a change in my life. I was tired of just being good enough to lay up with and not being dated, or courted whole-heartedly. Although I was tired of the run around, he was my first real boyfriend and essentially my “first”, so I wasn’t ready to let go. I decided to get some advice from my mom on how to handle the situation and step away. I took a deep breath, went in her room and let it all out. Boom….the face of disappointment. There is nothing worse than having your mom look at you with hurt and disappointment. She shared her thoughts and how she wanted more for me, but that she was not upset and we would move forward from there. Even though my mom told me that she wasn’t upset, I could see the hurt all over her. She went outside and sat on the porch for a while, I guess to gather her thoughts and talk with the Lord in order to make peace with the situation. She didn’t want me to fall into the same cycle in which she had with my father (another post for another day).

This may not seem like something major to you, but it was super major to me. My mom always taught my sister and me to keep ourselves until we were married. Even though I felt like I was “so in love” and caught up in the moment, I still went against my mother’s wishes and the mandate from my Heavenly Father. I felt somewhat of a relief that she now knew and that I didn’t have to walk around with that burden on my back anymore. I was ashamed that I was no longer her “little girl” and she now knew that I was no longer pure. I was disappointed in that I didn’t value myself more and allowed a man to prove his love thru my body. I may have won the victory that day by saying no to him (that day), but the battle was far from over. I think that was really where my mom’s mind went, although she hated to admit it, she knew that would not be my last time facing this demon (the sin and the man, just being honest). I wish I could tell you girlfriends that it all ended there, that I let go of the relationship and walked the straight and narrow until I was blessed to meet my husband. No that’s not my testimony, or my story. I can only hope that my experiences can be used to help another young lady face her fears, starting with this one confession…

sig KT