Don’t be afraid to talk because of fear- fear of how it may make the other person feel or fear of thinking you may upset them.
December 2014 was a very emotional time for me. I mean it had its perks like my birthday, one of my GF’s (Erin) birthday, my baby boy’s birthday, and well most importantly Jesus’ birthday! But with all the celebration came a devastating loss. Our dear girlfriend Erin husband passed. As a wife, it was very difficult to think about how my husband is still here but my best friend’s isn’t. I spent many days crying and thanking God that I still had him. Those, oh-so human questions constantly flowed my mind… like why Erin, why now. As the friend, whose husband was still alive, I found it hard to offer encouraging words… like what do I say? I couldn’t use the cliché sayings like, I know what you’re going through (I mean granted yes I’ve experienced the loss of a love one but certainly not at this capacity). All I knew to do was to call, text, and/or message her (through google hangout) to see how things were going, was she alone, was there anything I could do, etc. I just felt so helpless to her being that she was 10 hours away. I will say this experience certainly brought all the GIRLFRIENDS closer as we united daily with others in prayer for peace and comfort over Erin. So fast-forwarding after all services were completed and Erin returned to North Carolina… now what? How do we move forward with life? Do we just avoid the subject of husbands/spouses? Do I talk about things related to my husband? At what point, do I ask or encourage her to love again? Just a lot of questions that while some seem logically appropriate, others may not. And now as time has passed and Erin is becoming more open and vocal, even here sharing with you on this blog about her journey, we’ve been able to slowly tap into the answers to some of these questions and find out how she’s truly coping with her grief.
Grief shouldn’t be ignored because it could be portrayed that you think that they’re fine but the only way to know is to talk-SAY SOMETHING. You must continuously pray and be there for your friend to let them know they’re not forgotten. With death people are constantly around from the day it happens until the day of the burial. They may come by the following day and then call the next day after that, but as each day passes the more distant people become as if they’re done grieving. You never know how someone is really doing or grieving until you take the time to ask the necessary questions, or spend that real quality time involving conversation about: How they’ve been feeling? What they’ve been doing? And just getting a good sense or feeling about them and knowing they are really okay.
Everyone grieves differently but no one should go through it alone. Sometimes putting on the brave face is not what they need from you. You showing your true feelings can actually help both you and them get through the tough time together.
In all things, remember the promises of God…
Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. ~Matthew 5:4
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. ~Isaiah 41:10
Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. ~ 1 Peter 5:6-7
Have a wonderfully blessed Memorial weekend ladies!