“Because you never know where life is gonna take you and you can’t change where you’ve been. But today, I have the opportunity to choose.” June 2nd made 14 years since high school graduation, June 28th made 10 years since I finished my last exam and completed my undergraduate degree at NC State University, August 15th will make 10 years that I’ve worked for the same company…10 years has it really been that long? It kind of comes as a shock and slap in the face because it seems like just yesterday I was walking across campus thinking, dreaming even, about all I would accomplish after crossing the stage. “Katesha you should consider going to graduate school.” Something my mom would often say as graduation approached. And my response would always be “I’m tired of school, I’d much rather get up and go to someone’s job everyday than get up and go to class.” (I wish ya’ll could see my face right now!)
If I could take those words back now, man. As I sit and reflect back over all that I’ve accomplished, goals not yet reached, mistakes made, setbacks, failures….I wish I would have made better decisions. First being I would have most definitely taken the GRE and gone to graduate school directly after receiving my undergraduate degree. Sure the option is always there, and I am actually starting a graduate certificate program in August, but still, I wish I would have done it then before the husband and child. (Let’s be honest I’m no spring chicken, my brain is not as fresh as it used to be lol). Can I be honest with you all for a second? I am super nervous about starting this new program! I haven’t looked at a text book or wrote a research paper since June 28, 2005! Ha!!! One thing is for sure, if I haven’t already, I will definitely have to “get my life” and have my time management on point! From the full time day job, full time night job (Husband and VERY active 3 year old), Kingdom assignment/personal spiritual growth and development, the ins and outs of everyday life, and now have to sit thru a 4 hour class ANNNNNNDDDDDDDD do homework (I think this may just earn that ‘S’ on my chest LOL!) I just don’t know if I’m ready! But none the less this has been a goal of mine for a few years and I know that it is long overdue and definitely needed in order for me to obtain other goals and future dreams.
That’s just the thing, I feel like I’ve done that too much over the past 10 years, put stuff off until later. Or talk myself out of it because I don’t feel like it’s the right timing or even for me. Sadly at one point I felt as though I was just settling and felt like well this is just the way my life is going to be. Not so. Again I had, and still have, to cast down that negative thinking. I am a child of the Most High and He did not create me to just settle. I was created with a purpose and it is my duty to live out that God given purpose no matter what I’ve done, where I’ve been, where I feel like I have failed or dropped the ball, none of that matters.
“I’m not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don’t get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I’ve got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I’m off and running, and I’m not turning back.” Philippians 3:14 MSG
So let me flip this thing around. 10 years later…I’ve been employed for 10 years on the same job when there have been so many that have been laid off or fired…I was found by my “Adam” and became a wife which led me to be blessed to conceive, carry and give birth to a beautiful daughter when there are so many women who desire to do the same…I finally got up the courage to apply for the graduate certificate program, got accepted and will start this fall…I faced my fear of being transparent and alongside of my best friends we started this blog in hopes to touch and encourage the lives of women…most importantly I gave God a sincere ‘Yes’ and haven’t looked back since.
I guess that wasn’t so hard. I’m learning more and more that it’s all about perspective. “I choose to be the best that I can be. I choose to be authentic in everything I do. My past don’t dictate who I am. I choose…”