Happy Tuesday! As usual, I hope the weekend was good to you. My weekend was a little different this time. It was my first trip back to Connecticut since December 2014. The winter was harsh, so I decided to wait until warmer weather to visit. Let me just say that year one can be extremely hard…from holidays to “triggers” that brings back memories. Everyone and every situation are different. My visit was planned and had a purpose…sorting through belongings 🙁 . Because we were a long distant couple and our marriage started out that way as well, we never lived together. So everything was at his moms. Not totally ideal for me, but I do what I need to, what I know is right, and what I know Robert would want. So I cleared my weekend took TWO days off of work to travel only for me to feel like it was a waste of time 🙁 . I spent all of about 3 hours with his mom on Saturday and lunch on Sunday just to figure out that I now need to rent a cargo van, travel back to CT to get a few boxes. Definitely not my ideal situation. Not only did this weekend cost me about $800, but I now have to spend MORE $$$$$ to go back up there. Just a little ranting from frustration, but this is my reality… my year one!

I had the chance to visit his grave site for the first time. He still doesn’t have a permanent marker, but it’s on the way. It was very emotional to say the least. On my second visit the next day, I did take some flowers (had a little purple in there, which is my favorite color 🙂 ).  It was better than the first visit, a lot easier.

Robert

After my trip to CT, to make me a warm and fuzzy again, I went to see my little tink tink who’s only 7 weeks old!!!! Y’all know I luh da kids 🙂 . I found out one of the besties wasn’t feeling to hot and went to see her too (which she drove herself to the ED)!!! Now I’m all for supporting my loves when I know about it and when I can, but I ONLY go to hospitals now for the important people. Hospitals are definitely a trigger for me. Since I spent over 7 weeks day in and day out in a hospital, it’s just a sensitive place. Though she wasn’t hooked up to anything, I could still envision tubes, IVs, beeps, nurses in and out, being cognizant to what they were saying and just the look and feel of the rooms…just the habits that I picked up during that time. It helped some that I was talking to redirect my focus a little. But I held it together as I always try to do. Some days are easier than others; but I know she’s going to feel some type of way when she finds out, but she’ll be ok lol. Like I said, I’ll do what I can when I can!

My Year One series is just my thoughts, feelings and journey of the first year post-death of my hubby. I hope that it allows you to capture a view point from a young couple battling terminal cancer that was in the early part of their relationship. An outlook on the good, the bad and indifferent when dealing with grief, in-laws, legal matters, and just raw emotions.

Until next time…

sig EF