Month: December 2015

No Longer the “IT” Girl

Okay so I’m a little in my feelings today. Not sure why I’m in a funk but I am and felt like writing to get it out and move on. Please spare me a few minutes to vent, thank you in advance…

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I used to very much be an extrovert. Like was always in the mix, out and about, never met a stranger type girl. I can still carry that persona at times, but not nearly as often as I was say in my earlier twenties. These days I am more of an introvert. I like to stay in my bubble, in my comfort zone, quiet, not much of a socialite; don’t bother me I’m good type attitude. Sometimes that’s cool and perfectly acceptable, but there are other times that I feel like maybe it pulls me back from interactions with my peers.

There are times when I want to be around other people laughing, joking, and having a good time. But the relationships aren’t there which means neither are the invitations to various events going on. Most times it doesn’t bother me if I’m not invited to something but other times it does. Just being honest. Do I expect to be invited to everything? No. Will I go to everything that I’m invited to? No. But still sometimes it just feels good to still have the option, you know? Maybe it’s partly my fault for pulling back and isolating myself. I don’t know, it may just be my emotions speaking.

Whatever the case we are one day away from a new year and a fresh start. So time to flip this little flesh filled pity party and end it on a more positive note. I am going to strive to do better in the New Year. I cherish the relationships that I currently have and want to do better at nurturing those. In addition to that I am going to do better about coming out of my bubble and make myself more accessible. I may even take the initiative to reach out to some people and invite them somewhere! Hey if I’m going to do it, then I need to do it. Go hard or go home!! LOL! Now this may not happen overnight, but prayerfully I can slowly start to come out of my shell. There are many other things I want to work on in 2016 but this is a good start.

I pray that each and every one of you have an amazing New Year and hope that you will continue to follow my Girlfriends. and I on our journey.

Happy New Year!!!

Peace & Blessings,

sig KT

Lose to Win

So today I was listening to my Beyonce Pandora station (Judgement Free Zone!) and one of my favorite Fantasia songs came on… Lose to Win!! Ya’ll I was so hype you would have thought I was on stage with her performing it. I tried to contain myself since I was in the office, but nonetheless had my own little concert at my desk. While listening to the song I was inspired to write about a past relationship that I have mentioned in a few prior posts and then flip it to talk about my husband. I may still write that post one day, but not today (lol). Instead after coming out of a GREAT meeting with the owner of my company, I was lead to write about something else…

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Earlier this week my family experienced yet another unexpected loss. I will not go into details right now, as I’m not ready to open up about it. After this happened I tried to remain positive and move forward, but the memory kept coming back to mind. As the week progressed I pushed it further back in my mind and focused on other things…family, ministry and work.

As you all know I started a new job a few months ago and just recently had my 90 day review with my direct supervisor. It was a great meeting and from that I scheduled a follow up with the owner of the company to get her feedback as well. Well guys from that meeting I was informed that I would receive a raise (about a 9% increase, not bragging just telling of the Lord’s goodness) and would be granted the opportunity to take lead role on another client!!! I wanted to stand up in her office and cut a step right there!!! Everything that I ever wanted in the 11 years I worked at my previous job, is starting to come into fruition on the current job just a little after 3 months!! Man God is CRAZY FAITHFUL and I am just so overjoyed that I remained faithful to Him even when circumstances could have lead me the other way. My week started out pretty rough and is now ending on a high note. He took one thing away from me, but blessed me with something else that I had once believed would never come to pass.

Today I want to leave you with a little encouragement. if you have experienced a recent loss (or just a loss in general) don’t lose hope. There was a reason that the Lord took it away from you. It may have caused you harm at the moment as you truly desired it and in His timing, if it be His will, He will make it available unto you. And even if He doesn’t just know that He has something much better in store for you. I’m a living testimony! I suffered many disappointments and failures at my previous job and at one point was started to think that was the best I could do. I couldn’t have been more wrong!! When God opened a door, He opened a door!!! If He did it for me, TRUST me He will do it for you too!!

Keep the faith sis! And as my girl Fantasia says in her song “sometimes you have to lose to win again…”

Peace & Blessings,

sig KT

(For your viewing pleasure 🙂 )

The Present

First of all let me send my personal apologies for not posting last Friday, but as many of you may have noticed it was MY BIRTHDAY lol. And I simply decided to just take the day off and not do anything that required work.

Now let me say- HAPPY FRIDAY chicas! Hope this week has been good to you and I hope this month of December has been treating you all well!

I wanted to just take a brief moment to talk about what this time of the year means. Every year I have these bright ideas on how I want to celebrate the Christmas season (darn that Pinterest!). I start planning things out and getting everything all organized and prepared only to fall short of my own expectations. See in my eyes, the world pressures us to decorate and to shop! It’s as if that’s all Christmas is about – decking the halls and buying gifts. Yes, those things are a part of the holiday season but it’s NOT ALL that it’s about.

With this commercialized season, we tend to not always see the CHRIST in CHRISTmas. But we, the believers must not forget the One, the I AM that was sent to save us. We remember Him, we celebrate Him, for without Him there would be no Christmas.

presentSo this year I want to be “the present.” Yes, I’m the present this year – present with my family and most importantly present with God. What better gift than to be present with my family making memories and loving on one another and being in the presence of God, giving Him all the glory and all the praise.

Ladies, please don’t get caught up in the “hustle” of Christmas and remember Who Is the reason for the season. Don’t allow society to blind you and rob you of this opportunity to give God glory for what He’s done, and to celebrate Jesus. To teach your children and family what it means to celebrate CHRISTmas and create ever lasting memories.

Have a wonderful weekend, see you next week!

sig TW

“In His Safety”

I extend my right arm high, attempting to adjust the air. Yes, as always I’m cold, but it is becoming a tad bit stifling in here. I am on the plane heading back to NC from NY where my childhood best friend got married and I just couldn’t miss it. I notice the other passengers around me becoming just as antsy as myself, we’ve been on this plane for an hour already waiting for clearance to take off. Finally we’re off in the air, the gentlemen beside me closes the window shade, I rest my head back and relax thinking back on the festivities of the wedding weekend. Typically, this is my time to sleep, in the past I couldn’t even stay awake for take off, but this time the excitement has me wide eyed. I hear the chime go off letting us know that we’re permitted to turn on our aircraft approved devices, so I reach for my kindle. Shortly after I find myself completely indulged in this new book I downloaded which I can’t seem to remember the title of right now. Suddenly, we start to experience a little turbulence, no big deal…..I have flown more than enough to where that doesn’t freak me out. I look toward the front of the plane to check on refreshments, I’m beyond thirsty and of course I had to throw away my bottle of water and refused to pay $4 for another. It should be about time we get some peanuts, pretzels, a soda or something. Turbulence again…………this time it lasted longer, the flight attendant is seated and buckled up, our seatbelt signs are back on. Even at this point I’m doing OKAY, it wasn’t until that God awful dip we took, that felt like the floor had been snatched away like on the tower of terror that shook me. At this time it seemed the plane had speed up and the plane was chaotic. The gentlemen beside me had opened the window shade to my left which preceded the screams of the other passengers because at this point our upper bodies hovered over our seat belts as it felt as though the plane was going down. I look around, look forward, looking for anything that says we are going to be okay to only find tears rolling down some faces, eyes clenched tight on others, hands grasps tight on the arm rest and the flight attendant buckled and on the phone. I hear my own pounding heartbeat racing along with my breaths. Is this really happening? I thought, I’m going to die, today right now, I began to pray and pled with the Lord to spare my life as well as the lives of those on this plane including the one that this accident was intended for. After what seemed like eternity the plane leveled out and the turbulence stopped. I continued to pray until we landed, no one ever came on the intercom to apologize or explain the experience. The flight attendant never picked up the phone to make an announcement to us, nothing was said. Once I felt the friction of the wheels hitting the landing strip, I was beyond relieve and GRATEFUL for an answered prayer. Many people missed their connecting flights, I battled with the decision to stay in Detroit and figure out how else to get home, or run clear across another building to get to my next departing terminal. Is this now playing Russian roulette with my life, I was sparred once, but now getting back on the plane was another story. So I called mom, how good it was to hear her voice as she prayed with me and calmed my spastic emotions over the phone through the airport as I ran to my next flight just as they were making the final call. This flight was bigger, brighter, no turbulence….and best of all I made it home. My nerves were still bad, but boy was I glad to be home, to see my family, touch my children, all of which was on the verge of being gone. Sunday, after this experience an old song was ministered and what as reminder it was straight from the Lord. This one is for you Saints, never forget it.

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Game Face

Every time that I am prepared to write about one topic something happens in my life that inspires me to write about another. But hey I guess that is what I promised to give you from the start of this blog…the real deal about situations happening in my life. No sugar added, just the straight up truth!

How many times are we asked “How are you doing?” in a day? Or how many times do we ask the same question to others. Now how often do we really tell the truth or do we just give the standard response “I’m fine, how are you?”. Okay so I’m guilty of the later. It just seems like the easiest response to give. One because you may not want to go into details about what’s really going on in your life at the moment or two you just want to be polite, respond and move on. Its seemingly easier to put on your “game face” and give that quick response and move on.

Game FaceI often wonder what would happen if we begin giving an honest response to the question. Start telling people how we are really doing instead of hiding behind a smile that is hard to maintain at the moment. What are you masking behind that game face, what is on your heart that you desire to share with someone but just can’t seem to get the thoughts to form into words and come out of your mouth. I also wonder if we are trying to maintain the appearance of strength. Like will we show a sign of weakness if we break down in the moment and share how we REALLY feel?

Maybe its just me. There are moments when I may be dealing with something and instead of opening up, choose to give that standard response and move on. Sometimes I feel like its just better that I deal with things on my own to not burden someone else with my issues. Should this be the case? Not at all. Its okay to have a weak moment and allow someone else to impart into your life.  I encourage you (and myself) to relax that game face and give a true response to the question “How are you”. (But don’t go telling everyone your business, be wise in who you share your intimate thoughts and feelings with. Another post for another day.) You just never know who the Lord may send your way that day to deliver that special message or word that you need to get through your circumstance.

Peace & Blessings

sig KT

Growing Pains…

Hey Girlfriends!!! I pray that you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday and were able to share it among loved ones!

Okay so today I’m having a mushy mommy moment! My baby is growing up toooooooooooooooooo fast!!! She has developed SO much since she started school and continues to shock me every day with new phrases and sentences. She is very observant and has quite a sharp memory! She can reenact everything from circle time at school to the flow of intercessory prayer during Sunday morning worship!! Lol! She is trip ya’ll and I love it!!! Nothing warms my heart more than when she randomly runs up to me, wraps those little arms around my neck, kisses me on the cheek and says “Mommy I just love you!” **insert tear**

I’m looking forward to continue to watch her grow and develop but can’t help but get sad when those Facebook memories pop up with all of her various baby pictures that I previously posted. Where has the time gone? She will be 4 in 4 months…did you hear me 4!!!! I don’t think I’m ready yet. I want her to stay this little forever, is that too much to ask for? Am I the only mommy that feels this way? I know I can be a little crazy sometimes, but come on now I know I am not alone!!! LOL!!!

I thank God for blessing me with the gift of motherhood and I wouldn’t trade it in for the world. The good days, bad days, and yes even the acceptance of these growing pains that Sweet Pea is developing into her own little person. Its tough to accept but I have to do it!

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And you know it wouldn’t be me if I didn’t flip the attention off myself and on to you Girlfriend! For those that have been blessed to be called Mother, treasure that title, pray for your children constantly and strive to be the best woman for the job! And for those ladies that have the desire to carry the title of mother one day, continue to present your petition to our Father. If it be His will I pray that your request be given to you in His timing!

Until next week…

Peace & Blessings,

sig KT

 

Year One…

christmas-ornament-1042543_1280Hello luvs!!! I hope everyone enjoyed time with family and friends and maybe even did a little shopping over the Thanksgiving holiday. So I started my post a few weeks ago (and struggled with it ever since) when I read a blog post from another blogger who also happens to be my natural hair stylist; and it was exactly how I was feeling that day and towards others (friends/family) who i deal with on a daily basis and them interacting with me. I pray that my posts is shared with others who may be in this reality right now or can give you a glimpse of what it’s like for others walking in this journey.

This post by Iaminfectiouslyhappy.com was right on time! Thank you Kelley for sharing your transparency.

Struggling to write a blog post for today (and every other Tuesday) this is what the past 11 months have been for me and continues to be. Grieving is never an easy task, but navigate it at you own pace. It gets easier with time and that time differs from person to person.  Don’t let society or anyone else dictate when you should move on. When one is diagnosed with cancer we both are diagnosed. Living the life of a cancer patient is hard work. The endless nights of no sleep, the never-missing a scheduled dose of pain meds, comforting when there’s nothing you can physically do to help, sleeping in a hospital chair for 8 weeks, listening to monitors beep and go off 24/7, explaining things over-and-over because their sense of time is off due to a long hospital stay…and the list could continue forever, but it is absolutely depleting. Now take that, rev it up, and say goodbye all in about six months. Welcome to the life…

Our society expects us to always keep going and stay busy. Whether it’s working countless hours to provide for your home, taking care of your family, being a friend, sister, auntie, God-mother…or whatever it is that keeps you on the move. I’ve come to a point where I need to tap out…I need a minute from life to just sit still. When you stay continuously moving, you get burned out; sheer exhaustion. Work is a blur and my focus is all over the place except where it needs to be. How do you press pause on life when you depend on it so heavily? As each day goes by, I try to understand what that might look like for me. How can I live/survive, take care of my home and responsibilities; how to live in simplicity…

As I approach the end of the year, I try to stay uplifted and positive as I continue to do for others. Keeping busy helps redirect the emotions that it’s almost been a year. Some days it feels as if I’m still in the first 24 hours and others seems like an eternity ago; but I keep pressing on. As we’re in the season and spirit of giving, don’t just give tangibly. Love up on those around you, mend those broken or not talked about relationships, extend your time and energy to someone that might need it for whatever reason. We’re placed here with plan and purpose. Let’s fulfill it without regret.

I pray that everyone has a wonderfully blessed remaining 2015. I’ll see you in 2016!!!!!

sig EF