The freshness of the New Year is still upon us and just about everyone is on their “New year, new me” kick. Most people are excited about a fresh start and leaving the stress, worries and problems of last year behind them. (Writer included) But let’s be honest for a second, problems of the year past did not magically disappear when the clock struck midnight. There were some things that followed us into the new year, as things that we are still learning to accept, cope and deal with. That’s exactly where I am today, learning to accept my truth…
This is in no way easy for me to discuss and even as I type my heart is racing as its becoming even more real as I look at it in front of me. So what’s my truth? What’s that 1 thing that I can’t seem to shake from 2015…a miscarriage.
November 2015 my husband and I found out we were pregnant. It came as a surprise but we accepted it and was prepared to make the necessary adjustments to welcome the newest member of our family. Within a month’s time, 3 ultrasounds later, one showing a 6 week fetus at a gestational age of 9 weeks, a faint heart beat, to I’m sorry Mrs. Phillips there is no longer a pregnancy sac.
It felt like a nightmare that I was hoping I would soon awake from, sometimes it still does. Lord why now, why me? Why get my hopes up, why let me hear a heartbeat, to just take it all away? After getting thru those emotions and thinking that I was finally getting over it now I read different Facebook posts with exciting pregnancy announcements. Lord that was supposed to be me. I was supposed to be making my announcement around this time. Uggghhhh why can’t I shake this!!!! Lord what lesson are you trying to teach me this time? Why does this test have to be so hard?
Even through all of that, through all my hurt and heartache, through masking it all with a smile, I am comforted by the Comforter knowing that this too shall pass. Although I don’t understand it completely yet I know that my Father has my best interest at heart and was protecting me from further heartache later down the road. It just wasn’t the right time, I can hear my Father saying “Not yet daughter”. It’s up to me to accept that as my truth right now. The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away and it’s just as simple as that.
In closing today I want to encourage you even in the midst of my storm. You may not have all the answers now, you may be hurting and feeling like you can’t go another further but trust me sis you can. Whatever it is that may have followed you into the new year, I beckon you to keep pushing forward, take it one day at a time, and most importantly…
Trust in and rely confidently on the Lord with all your heart and do not rely on your own insight or understanding. ~ Proverbs 3:5 AMP
Peace & Blessings,