Why was I created? Why am I still here? What in my past and current life are pushing me towards fulfilling my God-given, Kingdom purpose? Deep questions to open up a blog post huh? Maybe, but maybe not? These questions come from a series my Pastor has been teaching from during our mid-week Bible study. Last week he ended it by telling us to take the (then) next 9 days left in April to reflect over our past and see what experiences, circumstances, situations, etc have happened to push us towards fulfilling our purpose. Now I’m a deep thinker and was excited to complete this assignment in my personal time and thought I’d share some of it with you in hopes that you will take the time to do the same.
My immediate first thought took me back to a car accident I was involved in when I was 5 years old. From the stories I’ve been told I should not have made it out alive. I’ll spare you all of the details, but after being thrown out of the back windshield of the car and a 1 week hospital stay, I’m still alive to tell you about! There was purpose to be fulfilled…
I took a look back to my school days and how even though I had a plenty of friends, was a part of the “in” crowd, yet never really fit in. I was a part of the group, but sometimes felt I wasn’t accepted because I was different, I stood apart from the norm. I’m not saying that I was better than anyone, the ordinary just wouldn’t do for me, why because purpose had to be fulfilled….
Fast forward to college, my first love, or so I thought….6 years of back and forth with a man that I prayed would one day become my husband. I compromised my beliefs, my morals, and my virginity in exchange for years of heartbreak, brokenness and uncertainty. After years of wondering why me now I know…there was purpose to be fulfilled….
I’ve had 3 pregnancies in my lifetime…the first ended in abortion, a result of the above relationship….the second, a premature birth of my now precious Sweet Pea…and the third a miscarriage at the end of last year. Again why me, why did I make that first TERRIBLE decision which now haunts me almost 13 years later…why did my baby have to be born 6 weeks early and why did I have to go through leaving her in the hospital for 2 weeks….and now I still question the Lord why did my baby have to die….again there was purpose to be fulfilled…
Now I don’t have time to give you my full life story and neither do you have all week to sit through it, maybe a book will come from it later, we shall see lol. But these moments I have shared with you and events in between them all prepared me for a greater good….my destiny, my Kingdom purpose. I’ve shared that my purpose is with working with women. So how will I ever be able to minister to, pray for, encourage and uplift another sister if I had never experienced anything in my life.
I can tell a sister that thinks that she’s near the end and can’t take another step further, the enemy thought he was going to take me out at 5 years old, but here I stand before you at 33 years of age to tell you that this is not the end of your story either. Feel as though you don’t fit in, that’s okay, I don’t either, but hey that makes us more versatile to dwell among different crowds and still make an impact. Suffered/ing from a broken heart? Been there done that, wrote the book (well not yet lol). I’ve had some low, I mean low moments, got tangled up with the wrong men time after time again seeking for love, thought I’d never find love again…well I did first with my Savior who then, within His timing, sent me true love, my husband of almost 5 years! Feel regret from the abortion, wish you could reverse the decision, yeah me too. I was a coward in making that decision, instead of living out the consequences of my actions and having the baby and now I have to suffer with a lifetime of regret. I can’t change the past but now I can take that, flip it and encourage another sister or young lady to not make the same mistake. I can use the experiences of premature birth and miscarriage to support another mother even through my own pain. Yes it hurts, its hard watching others happy in their pregnancies when you hold your empty womb desiring the same, but hey you’re still here, alive and well and that means that the Lord can bless you to conceive, successfully carry and deliver when He sees fit. It is SO much deeper than just your experience. I’m a firm believer that there is a reason for everything and its up to you to seek His face to find out what exactly that is.
My testimony is proof that hey I made it. I’m just one example of a broken vessel that can be used as God’s example that through it all, I’m still standing, I’m still here and it’s all because of HIM! As I type this today, with tears in my eyes, all I can say is Thank you Father. Thank you for assigning this mission, this destiny, this purpose to me. My story hasn’t always been easy and I’ve had my fair share of struggle and pain, but I know it was simply because there was purpose to be fulfilled and it doesn’t stop here.
Peace & Blessings,