Month: July 2016

Season of Loneliness

There is something wonderfully sacred that happens when a girl chooses to realize that being set aside is actually God’s call for her to be set apart.

Pause, read it again

There is something wonderfully sacred that happens when a girl chooses to realize that being set aside is actually God’s call for her to be set apart.

This quote from Lysa Terkeurst from Proverbs 31 Ministries really stuck with me after reading her devotional titled If You Ever Feel Lonely, Read This. And that I did, a few times. Each time I was left asking myself, Did she write this specifically for me?

So you’re probably thinking, okay Katesha how can you feel lonely? You’re married, have an active 4 year old, great relationship with your family, have the other 3 girlfriends, ministry friends and associates…how can you feel lonely? Hey I’m wondering the same thing, but at times I do. Let’s be honest for a minute I do have a great inner circle, but at times I still feel like I have no one to talk to. Sure I can go to my husband, but there are some things he just doesn’t understand as a man in relation to things I may experience as a woman. I could go to my mother, but at this point in her life I don’t want to bring anything to her that’s going to cause her to worry. I feel like I burden my sister with enough, she has her own life to live. My girlfriends…we just don’t talk or see each other as often as we’d like. Nothing is wrong, just our lives pull us in different directions. And yes I know they are there if I really need to talk, but sometimes I just don’t want to bother anyone, kinda crazy I know. I have great church family, but even in the midst of them I sometimes still feel as though I don’t really relate to anyone. So here I am feeling like I’m “set aside”, feeling as though I have no friends, no one to confide in, go to for advice…its just me, myself and I to deal with these inner thoughts, feelings…

That’s what the enemy wants me to believe, that I’m all alone, even sometimes feeling as though maybe even God has forgotten about me. I know deep down that is not true, but in those weak moments the feelings of loneliness increase and those thoughts seem to be true. This devotional couldn’t have dropped into my email at a better moment. I’m not alone, someone else has felt this way as well. I’m not set aside, I’m just set apart. God has me in this season for a reason, there is something that I’m missing, haven’t quite gotten a grasp of, something better that He’s preparing me for. There is a need for isolation, a lesson to be learned.

To be set apart is to be given an assignment that requires preparation.

So today I want to encourage someone who may be dealing with this same season of loneliness. Don’t give it any extra energy. End that pity party today, get out of your feelings and look for the positive side of this season in your life. There is a greater purpose for it all. No one likes the feeling of being alone, but as the author stated in her devotional, we have to find the gift in this place. I always tell people to find the positive in every situation. No matter what you are going through there is a positive aspect that can be pulled from it. And in this situation the positive side is that which is yet to come. God is preparing us for greater sis. He’s molding us into the women He desires and needs for us to be so that we can take what we’ve learned in the season and bless another sister’s life. He cares so much about us and only wants the best for us. So sometimes He has be pull us away, remove distractions, cause that feeling of loneliness so we can turn from our fleshly emotions and look to Him and Him alone. Keep praying, keep seeking His face for clarity and remember He hasn’t forgotten about you. You aren’t set aside, you’re simply set apart.

psalm

Peace & Blessings,

sig KT

Brain Dump

braindump
Photo credit: http://wendy-nielsen.com/tag/brain-dump/

This is picture is SO accurate! At any given moment I can have 20 different thoughts within 30 different areas running through my mind. Take now for instance:

“Go check the meatballs. Wait did I send that email? What am I going to write about this week on the blog? Oh shoot I need to pack! Did I finish washing clothes? Can Sweet Pea please stop saying Mommy for just a minute? I wonder what time Hubby is getting home today? I need to take these braids out, but I don’t feel like it. What am I going to wear tomorrow? Don’t forget to pack Sweet Pea’s lunch. Will she please be quiet for a minute, i can’t hear myself think! Go check the meatballs”

LOLOLOL!!! See what I mean. It’s crazy and some what sad. With all of this going on in my brain its easy to tap out for a minute and get caught up in the whirlwind inside of my head. Not good. I need an outlet, or rather I need to get back to the one I put in place a while back…Journaling. I’ve bought so many different cute journals with the best intentions to sit down at night and write before going to bed. Time to unwind, pour out my heart, get out my frustrations, make plans for the days ahead…but to be honest that just doesn’t happen every day. I may go for a good week and write consistently, skip and day and honey that’s it! (Kinda like my work out regimen lol) I walk past that journal everyday saying I’ll do it tonight and look up a week or two later and haven’t touched it. I’m tired of doing that and I’m seeing now more and more the need for me to “brain dump” to get it all out of my system. Laying down with so many things on my mind affects my sleep, sometimes causes crazy dreams and then I wake up tired and even more thoughts than the day before. The cycle has to stop.

So enough with the excuses, time out for being “too tired”, I’m getting back to it. Writing has become my therapy, my place of peace if you will and I need to give more time to it. One so that I can keep my sanity (for real), two so I can write effective, meaningful posts (so you will keep reading), and three, the most important, so I can hear clearly from Heaven. With all of MY own wants, thoughts, desires, needs, etc. on my mind, it clouds my perspective or clear perception of the voice of the Lord. I don’t like that and in this season definitely don’t need that. I want to make sure I hear from Him and know that it is Him speaking and just not my own subconscious getting in the way.

Maybe you have it all together and this is not an area that you struggle in and if so praise God. But if not, I encourage you to designate a time daily to just have a brain dump. Get it all out of your system. Carry your journal with you if you have to. That way if you feel the need to write, you can. It will make you feel lighter, a little more focused and ready to conquer the tasks before you. We can do this Girlfriend! Pray my strength in this area and I promise to do the same for you!

Peace & Blessings,

sig KT

A Mother’s Remorse

Traveling with kids is a hassle but to me traveling without them is even worse! In my opinion at least. A few weeks ago I had to travel with my job to Texas and was gone for pretty much the entire week. Preparing and packing was somewhat stressful. I had to make sure Sweet Pea had everything she needed for summer camp; washed, ironed and laid out all of her outfits for the week; had to make sure she had lunch to pack for the week; had to make sure Hubby was straight; wrote out the meal plan for the week; oh and had to pack and make sure I was prepared mentally for my crazy work schedule. While part of me was excited to go to the resort (it was gorgeous by the way LOL) another part of me was somewhat sad to leave Sweet Pea behind, oh and my hubby too of course LOL!! This was my first time going on an extended trip where she was knowledgeable that mommy was going away for a few days without her and she didn’t let me off easy! She’s going through a phase where she is learning to truly express her emotions. We go from “Mommy I feel sad” to “Mommy I’m angry” ending with a “Mommy I’m excited” all in one sentence LOL!! Gotta love 4 year olds right!

So back to the trip, the days leading up to my departure I made sure to explain to Sweet Pea that Mommy had to get on a big airplane and go on a trip for a few days. Of course her first question was “Am I going too” *insert sad face* *deep sigh* “Not this time Sweet Pea, but Mommy will be back before you know it.” Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh this was SO hard! Isn’t it crazy how we as mothers always say that we need a break but when we get one start feeling bad or miss them immediately? Not you, okay maybe its just me! lol Fast forward to the morning that I left. Immediately when I walked in the room to tell her see you later, she looked at me with those big puppy dog eyes and said with the saddest little voice “Bye mommy” Man it was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO hard for me not to burst into tears! I am so emotional ya’ll lol. Nana sensed the emotions between me and Sweet Pea so she quickly intervened and told Sweet Pea to tell me to have a great trip and I quickly turned around to leave. Someone please tell me that this gets better as they get older!!!

Once I arrived in Texas and throughout a very crazy and hectic work week there, I made sure to steal away if only for 5 minutes to hear my baby girl’s voice over the phone. It felt SO good to hear her “Heyyyyyy Mommy” on the other end of the line. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh and our reunion was even the more special. I tried to throw hints at my hubby that he and Sweet Pea should park and wait for me at baggage claim. I like to imagine my life to be like the movies sometimes. You know seeing someone come up the escalator, hearing a big exciting scream, the two run towards each other and embrace type of reunion. But it didn’t quite pan out that way lol However when I saw the car pulling up to the curb, saw hubby’s big smile and Sweet Pea’s little head in the backseat, my heart skipped a beat. I think hubby barely put the car in park before jumping out, followed by Sweet Pea unbuckling her seat belt and leaping from that car seat. That was one of the BEST hugs I’ve ever received from her! (Okay I’m about to cry sitting here thinking about HA!) She wrapped those little arms around my neck, squeezed real tight and at that moment everything felt right with the world.

me

Becoming a mother was one of the greatest gifts the Lord could have ever blessed me with. And I try to make sure I do not take it for granted and instead cherish every moment good and bad. While I hated to have to leave my baby girl here for that long, the distance and separation just made me appreciate my gift even the more. Maybe so much that I might just be ready for another little gift…. 😉

Peace & Blessings,

 sig KT