Month: March 2017

The Fear of the Unknown

So here I am, on the brink of a new season. I wish I could say that I was completely excited about it, but I’m just not there yet. This is quite an unexpected season and feels like a bit of a crossroad. Like I’m standing in the middle trying to decide which direction to turn in first. This is not a good feeling, and to be honest I’m fearful of what will come next.

Now I know you are probably thinking, what happened to me living by my 2017 mantra “Stop walking in fear, run with faith”. It’s still there, but how many of us know that with this declaration there has to come a test to push me to excel in the mantra. So here we are at the crossroad of this test and it is a hard one. I’ve been forced to make a decision that I didn’t feel like would come at this point in my life. I’d gotten comfortable, this felt like home, well it was home, or so I thought. It was home for that season, but as the saying goes “all good things must come to an end”. And I think that is the part that is really hard for me to accept and fully comprehend. Why must it end like this? Lord, why did you bring me to this place for it to just be taken away so abruptly? But at the same time I’m wondering if warning signs were there and I just passed by them, ignored them or overlooked them? Or was I just completely blindsided and it was time for the truth to be revealed. These questions play in my head daily and even haunt me in my dreams.

So where do I go from here? Though I’m not ready to start over, this is what is before me. New seasons are supposed to feel good, a fresh start, right? In this case the fear of the unknown is trying to take over and consume my thoughts and emotions. Just when I think I have cried my last tear, and am near making peace with this decision, here comes the hurt and anger all over again. But this is not how I roll and that is definitely not how He rolls. There is a purpose and a plan for everything that happens in life, but it’s up to me to find that purpose. To figure out what I am to learn from this and then seek guidance on how to move forward. But its hard ya’ll, I really have no other way to describe it. (And before I go any further let me stop and clear the air and let you know that this post nor any of my recent posts have anything to do with my husband or our marriage. We are still happily married and very much in love! Just had to put that out there lol)

I guess the best way to describe it right now is to be honest and say I’m afraid. I’m afraid of what comes next and all that comes along with it. Will I (we) make the right decision, will we be accepted, how long will it take to find “home”, will this be our permanent place or will we have to endure this hardship or something similar all over again? I’m sorry if I’m a little scattered today, but I just needed to get my thoughts out. I’m normally strong, or at least try to be but today I need to just take the veil off and just express how I feel. That helps my healing process because if I continue to keep it bottled up these feelings are only going to get worse. Although I apologize for the brain dump, I make no apologies about how I feel regarding this situation. I’m entitled to my feelings and I’m working through it. But something of this magnitude takes time to get over. As I express myself here please believe that I am still taking it all to my Daddy. He is the one that has the answers and as I wrote in Silence Speaks, I just have to continue to remain still as this new season unfolds. So here I stand at the crossroads waiting on my GPS (Daddy) to give directions on the next move…

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they will not overwhelm you. When you walk through fire, you will not be scorched, Nor will the flame burn you.; “Because you are precious in My sight, You are honored and I love you, I will give other men in return for you and other peoples in exchange for your life. ~ Isaiah 43: 2, 4 AMP

Peace & Blessings,

(Photo Cred: https://www.pinterest.com/rhiwalser/quotes-that-i-love/)

Blast from the Past

TGIF girlfriends! Today’s post is a blast from the past and a simple reminder of God’s faithfulness, entitled Faithful Friday.

Have a wonderful weekend ladies!

                  Joy for Your Day,

 

 

 

 

photo cred: http://media.harpercollinschristian.com/email/niv-votd/24-Jun

Negative Mind

So as I turned my desk calendar to now March of 2017 (time is flying – sheesh!) I’m greeted by a floral print background with the following statement written: A Negative Mind will Never Give You a Positive Life… Wow what a statement! And so true, that the more negative thoughts we have leaves no room for positive outcomes. Now, I must be honest with you, I’m one of those people that tends to view the negative outcomes first in a situation before rejoicing in the possible good. You could say this has stemmed from some of my childhood experiences of disappointments and broken promises. When I weigh the outcomes in life I always go for what’s the worse that could happen before thinking about the best that could happen. I know that as a child of God I have no worries, no doubt, and no fear but that “human nature” kicks in first most of the time and I begin to unravel the thoughts of well if this don’t happen then, or if this doesn’t come through then… Instead of being positive from the jump of every situation. I guess there’s that fear (which I’m not supposed to have) of being let down, rejected and disappointed that I rather have already guarded my heart to be ready to experience the worse. As a growing/maturing Christian, I’m learning to first hold my tongue before speaking negative thoughts. I’ve studied and experienced the Word enough to know that

For verily I say unto you, That whosoever shall say unto this mountain, Be thou removed, and be thou cast into the sea; and shall not doubt in his heart, but shall believe that those things which he saith shall come to pass; he shall have whatsoever he saith. Therefore I say unto you, What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them ~ Mark 11:23-24 KJV

is the truth! I’m a living witness that those things that I speak do come to past positive and negative. So changing my mindset to only focus on how great God is in every situation is a must for me. I mean even the simplest of my thoughts I want to be positive.

So who’s ready to start walking and living in positivity with me? I know that you will feel a lot better on the inside and it will show on the outside when you focus on a positive life. Ladies, don’t allow the devil to still the joy you deserve each and every day. And its okay if you slip up and a negative thought comes into your mind, just be sure to give those thoughts to God afterwards and move forward.

I hope this encourages someone who thinks that life has to be bad, broke, raggedy, busted, and disgusted every day and know that God has destined you for greatness! You are His heir! Start walking, talking and living in victory.

Have a wonderfully blessed weekend ladies!

Joy for Your Day,

 

Silence Speaks

Shhhhhhhhhhhhhh….do you hear that?… Me either…Utter silence…

There was once a time when I had to have some type of noise going at all times. Music, t.v., water running, someone on the other end of the phone…just something to kill the sense of silence. If I can be honest for a moment, I think that silence once scared me. The thought of being left alone to just me and my thoughts made me nervous. So I kept something or someone around me to kill the silence and further push me away from what ever issue or concern that I was avoiding. That’s not the case anymore. If anything these days I’m looking for a moment of silence in my day lol Quite frequently when I’m in the car alone I prefer to ride in silence because nine times out of ten if the radio is on, I’m not really listening to it. I like to use that time to gather my thoughts for the day, or to seek wisdom on whatever question or concern I have that day. But what happens when you don’t get a response and HE is silent?

Recently I’ve been faced with a major, unexpected challenge in my life and girlfriends it has been bothering me day in and day out. I go to sleep with it on my mind, I wake up with it on my mind, thoughts of it pop up in the midst of my day. This one is difficult, I don’t think words can really describe how it is affecting me. As I told you last week, I internalize a lot and haven’t really discussed this with many people. I don’t want to, I’m already confused by the situation and really can’t handle more information or others’ opinions right now. Not that I didn’t need to before, but now is the season of prayer like never before. I’ve been lifting this up to my Father quite frequently, written about it in my journal and now penning it here in this post and yet the pain, the uncertainty, and the questions are still very present.

Like any child, when I ask, I want an immediate response. With something this major, I need a response like yesterday, but haven’t received it yet. In these moments, while waiting on “the” response, I have to request clarity between His voice and my own thoughts and perceptions. I can sometimes move too quickly when following my emotions, but am learning more and more to stop reacting and to only respond when given clearance to do so. Although it looks good on paper, in reality this is something that I still struggle with and am continually working on. When I’m upset and confused, I can build an imaginary wall, pull down my imaginary blinds and avoid dealing with the situation all together, but this time around I can’t do that. I HAVE to wait on instructions from my Master. He is the ONLY one with response in regards to my next steps. Although I would love to stay on my face in His presence until He gives me a response, I have to keep about my day, week, month, however long it takes, until He responds with the plan for moving forward.

Maybe that’s just it, even though He hasn’t given direct instructions, His silence still speaks and is powerful. Just as a child has to “wait a minute” patiently for their mother/father’s response, in His silence, I must do the same. Maybe He isn’t saying anything right now because it’s not time yet, or there is something else that I need to do before He will release His plan. I’m unsure right now, but what I do know is that until He speaks, I will not move. I will remain constant in prayer, seeking His face even the more. This is hard, speaking of this current situation, my heart still hurts, but my trust and hope is in Him and Him alone. Even in the darkest seasons, His presence is still there, speaking through the silence.

For God alone my soul waits in silence and quietly submits to Him, For my hope is from Him. He only is my rock and my salvation; My fortress and my defense, I will not be shaken or discouraged.~Psalm 62:5-6 AMP

Peace & Blessings,

(Photo Cred: http://wharrispmp.com/wp/silence-can-be-golden/)