Category: Life’s Moments

Time Out

Flag on the play….whistle blows….30 second time out. That’s normally what happens in a basketball game when the players need a minute to regroup or get directions on the next play from their coach. I hope I got that right, if not I hope you get the point! I’m such a girl! HA!

Anyway back to my story…the way my life is currently set up I’m always doing something, thinking about what needs to be done or at the last minute remember something that I forgot to do. Sometimes it can feel like life is so mundane and so repetitive…work, home, church, grocery store…repeat…day in and day out. To be honest sometimes it gets boring doing the same thing over and over and over again. I needed a break, I wanted to do something fun where I could just relax, laugh and be KT. I didn’t want to think about my long to do list, I just wanted to be me without a care in the world. So it was time to throw a “flag on the play” and take a much needed time out!

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1st 30 second time out…The Bimbe Festival. My sister suggested that we go because it was 1 a free event, 2 one of our favorite groups 112 was going to be there, and 3 one of our friends could get us back stage to meet them! Okay so of course at first I was all for it. I deserved this break, okay cool let’s go. Oh no the threat of rain, second thought I’ll sit this one out. I have laundry to do LOL! (true story lol) Although I was saying that out of my mouth, in my mind I was praying the Lord would hold the rain so I could enjoy some much needed girl time with my sister! And guess what He did just that! Not only did he hold it off until the last 30 minutes of the festival, but upon our departure there was the most beautiful rainbow I have ever seen!! (God’s Promise) It made the day all the more worth it! I hadn’t had that much fun in a VERY long time! I laughed, danced and felt like Katesha again. It was just what The Doctor ordered! Bimbe

2nd 30 second time out…Date Night with Hubby. Okay so I had some girl time, now its time for some one on one fun with my main squeeze! Its crazy to me how my hubby and I are so in sync! I was thinking that we needed some alone time and before I could suggest it he called me and said “Hey let’s hang out on Saturday”. All I could do was smile, I love that dude so much! We did something we use to enjoy doing when we were still courting…putt putt golf! And you know your girl won right!!! HA! It was good to laugh, joke and enjoy each other (with a little PDA) without any interruptions. I was (well we both were) of how important it is to take those breaks from family business and nurture our marriage.Golf

Last time out (this game)…Sesame Street Live: Let’s Dance. Now you know I had to include a time out with my Sweet Pea! She has watched Elmo and friends since she was a baby and every time they come to town we miss them! Not this time! This past weekend we went to see them and we had a blast! We had GREAT seats, club level leather seats included. I didn’t know that was the section I had selected, I just chose that level because of the price and because it was centrally located in relation to the stage. Those seats couldn’t have been any more perfect! We were the only people in the section, there was plenty of space, and therefore no interruptions. Hubby, Sweet Pea and I had the best time ever!!! And again I have to thank my Daddy for making sure we had that experience. I don’t count it as a coincidence we were in those seats ya’ll, He did that!!!Sesame Street

So why am I sharing all of this with you today? I want to encourage you to take a time out girlfriend! You deserve a break every now and then. Step away for your responsibilities for a second (not too long though lol). Go out have some fun, let your hair down, breath a little, laugh, dance, laugh some more! There is so much to enjoy in life, we just have to make that extra effort to do it!

Peace & Blessings,

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God’s Promise

Never allow time to hold your heart hostage. ~ M. Lamont Cooper, Sr.

What is she talking about now? Read the quote again.

Never allow time to hold your heart hostage.

This simple, yet profound, statement was given by my Pastor, named above, during our Bible Study last week. He was teaching on doubting when we ask something of God. We ask and expect God to answer within our own personal time line. Then when He does not answer or give it to us by that due date, here comes Mr. Doubt. Now read the quote again.

Never allow time to hold your heart hostage.

So what happens when we take time out of the equation? We put up our request before the Lord, leave it there with Him, and then activate our faith to believe that it will happen according to HIS timing and HIS will. It sounds good, looks easy on paper, yet it is still sometimes challenging to live out in our own reality. That’s where I am today and honestly have been off and on for the past few weeks. I know what He said, I’m holding on to the prophecy that has come forth, I see the plans in front of me, yet and still there is a little bit of doubt that has moved from the back of my mind to the front and is now trying to take over. You see it happening for someone else, you’re happy for them, praise and rejoice with them, but still sit and wonder “When will it be my turn”?

Sweet Pea and I were driving through a sun shower the other day and as we were driving along I looked up and saw one of the prettiest rainbows I’ve ever seen! I showed Sweet Pea and she was SO excited and was now looking for the rainbow with every turn that we took. We’d see it one moment, and the next it would be gone. With great anticipation Sweet Pea kept her eyes glued to the sky determined to see those pretty colors once again in the sky. We played the disappearing act with the rainbow for about 5 minutes and within that time period saw it 3 different times. As Sweet Pea named all of the colors in the rainbow, I asked her if she knew what it meant. I then explained to her that a rainbow means “God Promise” and just that quick it hit me. A feeling of reassurance…God’s Promise…

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Just because we don’t see it YET doesn’t mean that its now there. Just because we don’t feel the hand of the Lord on the situation, does not mean that He is not there working it out on our behalf. The same way that rainbow showed back up when we weren’t looking for it, is the same way God will show up in our lives. We have to hold on to our faith, we have to believe, we have to cast down thoughts and feelings of doubt, we have to speak those things that be not as though they were. If God said it, then He will do it. All we have to do is hold on to His promise, remove time out and keep time of the equation, stay out of God’s way and keep believing.

For assuredly, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, ‘Be removed and be cast into the sea,’ and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that those things he says will be done, he will have whatever he says. ~ Mark 11:23 NKJV

But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind. ~James 1:6 NKJV

Jesus said to him, “If you can believe,all things are possible to him who believes.~Mark 9:23 NKJV

So Jesus said to them, “Because of your unbelief; for assuredly, I say to you, if you have faith as a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move; and nothing will be impossible for you. However, this kind does not go out except by prayer and fasting.”~ Matthew 17:20-21 NKJV

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. For by it the elders obtained a good testimony.By faith we understand that the worlds were framed by the word of God, so that the things which are seen were not made of things which are visible. ~Hebrews 11:1-3 NKJV

Its getting ready to happen….

Peace & Blessings,

sig KT

Best Intentions

So let’s play alil catch up – life for me has been moving in full force. I’m currently 21 weeks with a little girl (FINALLY), starting a new position in a week, and have 2 boys that are graduating! Woo, talk about busy. We have one graduating preschool the end of this month and another graduating from 5th grade next month. Time is truly flying by and I’m struggling to capture and celebrate every moment. Have you ever just felt too busy? By the time I hit my sheets I’m completely knocked out. How do you ladies handle those busy moments of life? Do you schedule personal time for everyone individually? Do you have a family day that’s spent acknowledging everyone? Or do you find yourself saying wow, you’re graduating tomorrow what do you want to do to celebrate? (this is me at times-Mrs. LastMinute) You know, as a wife and mother, I truly have all the best intentions but the reality of my actions don’t always match up. A part of my daily prayers include asking God to show my family how much I love them in spite some of my actions.

intentionsSo to all the mothers (all that play a motherly role) I would like to say cheers to you! For your sacrifice, time, love, and support – don’t ever give up on yourself, keep pushing to do what you have to for your family. Continue to have all the best intentions and do your best in making them happen!

side note: So after posting this, I get an email entitled: For the Mom Who Doesn’t Feel Good Enough from the Jennie Allen blog and it’s indeed right on time and just for me – I hope it encourages you too!

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Grandmas and Children

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I recently traveled to Philadelphia to see the new addition to the family, my nephew and all the rest of them. Like any other trip, of course I got sick, I swear it never fails, I get sick every time I travel, my immune system sucks. First stop was my grandmother’s house, the safe haven of all time. I lead my family up the front steps and rang the doorbell (I have a key, but I’m too excited to use it). There she goes, GRANDMA! She opens the storm door with one arm and embraces you with the other. Something about her embrace just lets you know ALL is well. We get in the house good and she looks everyone over pointing out how big the Littles are and then…she says “I see you put some weight on Tash” and then I look down at myself (what is it about when someone points out something about you we always look at ourselves in that moment, like we don’t know what the heck has been going on, lol). So, I just agree and kept it moving. Shortly after that moment, I walk upstairs to help grandma with the beds and she says “Tash, you ain’t getting big in the front are you?”…awkward!!!! I immediately said “no grandma”.  Why is it that children and grandmothers have no filter?!?!  I mean my daughter has told me that my stomach looked like a pancake that had been stepped on before (LMBO) and now grandma too! So at this point I’m beyond self-conscious about my physique and as she is sitting next to me she’s watching my every move. I found myself intentionally lying on my stomach on the floor just to lay that thought to rest lol. Now reality is, I am definitely the heaviest I have ever been, which is still not over weight for me; however, a good bit of it is isolated in my tummy….not cute for anyone, but especially a small framed person. So before long, my dad made his way over and my weight is also pointed out, and just like before, I cock my head down to take a look at myself as if something has changed in the past hour, lol. To add to the madness, by the next afternoon after our zoo trip I was sick as a dog. I mean snotty nosed, coughing, sneezing, sore throat, dizzy, nauseous, and then vomiting. What a way to spend time with the fam. I pretty much stayed in bed all day, I felt like death and then didn’t want to get anyone else sick. I mentioned trying to get back on the road to come home, but I knew I couldn’t take the ride. And of course, I’m sure me being sick only fueled grandmas thoughts. So once I returned to NC, Operation Life is Sweet: Get it Together was in full drive. Myself and a GIRLFRIENDS. have spent the last week prepping ourselves for this change of getting LIFE together holistically. Stay tuned for the journey.

p.s. There is still no place I’d rather be, than right there with Grandma!

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Fulfilling My Purpose

Why was I created? Why am I still here? What in my past and current life are pushing me towards fulfilling my God-given, Kingdom purpose? Deep questions to open up a blog post huh? Maybe, but maybe not? These questions come from a series my Pastor has been teaching from during our mid-week Bible study. Last week he ended it by telling us to take the (then) next 9 days left in April to reflect over our past and see what experiences, circumstances, situations, etc have happened to push us towards fulfilling our purpose. Now I’m a deep thinker and was excited to complete this assignment in my personal time and thought I’d share some of it with you in hopes that you will take the time to do the same.

PurposeMy immediate first thought took me back to a car accident I was involved in when I was 5 years old. From the stories I’ve been told I should not have made it out alive. I’ll spare you all of the details, but after being thrown out of the back windshield of the car and a 1 week hospital stay, I’m still alive to tell you about! There was purpose to be fulfilled…

I took a look back to my school days and how even though I had a plenty of friends, was a part of the “in” crowd, yet never really fit in. I was a part of the group, but sometimes felt I wasn’t accepted because I was different, I stood apart from the norm. I’m not saying that I was better than anyone, the ordinary just wouldn’t do for me, why because purpose had to be fulfilled….

Fast forward to college, my first love, or so I thought….6 years of back and forth with a man that I prayed would one day become my husband. I compromised my beliefs, my morals, and my virginity in exchange for years of heartbreak, brokenness and uncertainty. After years of wondering why me now I know…there was purpose to be fulfilled….

I’ve had 3 pregnancies in my lifetime…the first ended in abortion, a result of the above relationship….the second, a premature birth of my now precious Sweet Pea…and the third a miscarriage at the end of last year. Again why me, why did I make that first TERRIBLE decision which now haunts me almost 13 years later…why did my baby have to be born 6 weeks early and why did I have to go through leaving her in the hospital for 2 weeks….and now I still question the Lord why did my baby have to die….again there was purpose to be fulfilled…

Now I don’t have time to give you my full life story and neither do you have all week to sit through it, maybe a book will come from it later, we shall see lol. But these moments I have shared with you and events in between them all prepared me for a greater good….my destiny, my Kingdom purpose. I’ve shared that my purpose is with working with women. So how will I ever be able to minister to, pray for, encourage and uplift another sister if I had never experienced anything in my life.

I can tell a sister that thinks that she’s near the end and can’t take another step further, the enemy thought he was going to take me out at 5 years old, but here I stand before you at 33 years of age to tell you that this is not the end of your story either. Feel as though you don’t fit in, that’s okay, I don’t either, but hey that makes us more versatile to dwell among different crowds and still make an impact. Suffered/ing from a broken heart? Been there done that, wrote the book (well not yet lol). I’ve had some low, I mean low moments, got tangled up with the wrong men time after time again seeking for love, thought I’d never find love again…well I did first with my Savior who then, within His timing, sent me true love, my husband of almost 5 years! Feel regret from the abortion, wish you could reverse the decision, yeah me too. I was a coward in making that decision, instead of living out the consequences of my actions and having the baby and now I have to suffer with a lifetime of regret. I can’t change the past but now I can take that, flip it and encourage another sister or young lady to not make the same mistake. I can use the experiences of premature birth and miscarriage to support another mother even through my own pain. Yes it hurts, its hard watching others happy in their pregnancies when you hold your empty womb desiring the same, but hey you’re still here, alive and well and that means that the Lord can bless you to conceive, successfully carry and deliver when He sees fit. It is SO much deeper than just your experience. I’m a firm believer that there is a reason for everything and its up to you to seek His face to find out what exactly that is.

My testimony is proof that hey I made it. I’m just one example of a broken vessel that can be used as God’s example that through it all, I’m still standing, I’m still here and it’s all because of HIM! As I type this today, with tears in my eyes, all I can say is Thank you Father. Thank you for assigning this mission, this destiny, this purpose to me. My story hasn’t always been easy and I’ve had my fair share of struggle and pain, but I know it was simply because there was purpose to be fulfilled and it doesn’t stop here.

Peace & Blessings,

sig KT

 

How it all started…The Journey Leading up to 12/6/2014…Final Chapter

Catch up here…Through the next few months and a few sessions, I think that we were making some progress. The Friday before our original wedding date in May, we get the worst news ever…Robert has cancer…stage 4 cancer. A little background for a minute…earlier in the year, Robert started feeling funny and having stomach pains. After about a week of me pushing him to go get it checked out, he finally went. The doctors chalked it up as GERD and gave him a few prescriptions and sent him on his way. The meds made his symptoms worse and another month or so he went back. After getting an upper endoscopy done, there was still nothing. Not really having much relief and a new symptom on deck, he went back again a few weeks later. His primary ran some tests and did more blood work. That’s when we got the news. After the gut wrenching blow of news, we found ourselves in the hospital with our first issue…a blood clot. Outside of a few “love handles” Robert was in good health; now we find ourselves looking for answers.

Hospitalized for over a week, he endured more tests and scans to pinpoint the exact form of cancer even though they had a preliminary diagnosis. Hearing cancer, one of our top concerns was planning our future and what that meant. We decided to preserve our family before radiation and chemotherapy was started. Our decisions from here on out were the hardest one’s ever made. With too many details to share, we started radiation, gone through a second surgical biopsy procedure (this one from his kidney), and a round of chemo all by August. With a true diagnosis on deck, we took another blow; a rare form of kidney cancer that had little to no research and knowing life expectancy averaged 15-18 weeks from diagnosis.

Through it all, we still worked on our communication and decided to get married. The day was perfect! A nice cool Connecticut Saturday morning, nothing but close family and friends, we had our moment. Outside under the trees near the lake, I couldn’t have asked for anything better. It was an off week for chemo treatments and a good day for Robert so it was a great day for me. I was happy that in that moment on September 20th he was happy again and not worried or scared.

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Reality struck us and a week later he was once again hospitalized. Not knowing it at the time, this would be his last stay. He was admitted because of breathing issues stemming from fluid on his lungs. We took each day in strides in hopes of going home with some few extra pieces of equipment. We celebrated two months’ worth of anniversaries and spent Thanksgiving there. After two trips to ICU and intubation, he said he was ready. He was no longer scared, had no more worries, and was secure in his faith. He said his earthly goodbyes and on December 6, 2014 transitioned. A day to remember; only one year earlier I said yes to forever!

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Another Round Please

So its been another CRAZY week for me! I have what feels like 15 different projects going on at work, I’m beyond behind on ministry event planning and ideas, my baby’s birthday is this weekend –  have to make sure I have everything for her school birthday party, and then on top of all of that insert thoughts of doubt and slight anxiety about when things will finally come together so that my husband and I can finally say that we are home owners. It feels so close yet so far away. I’m ready to be in my own space again, but then concerned about leaving my mother and wanting to make sure that she will be okay once we leave. UGHHHHHHHHHH!! I need a way of escape. I need to remove myself from reality and steal away if only for a few minutes, something that will ease my thoughts and mellow me out….I NEED A DRINK!!!

drinks Yes that is the answer, I need to find me a quiet corner booth at a nice tucked away restaurant where no one can find me. I don’t want to think about any to do lists, what has yet to be done, don’t want to feel any guilt or remorse, I just want to enjoy that moment and that drink!!! (Record sccccccccccccrrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaaatttttttttcccccccccchhhhhhhhhh)

Yeah right!!!!!!!!!!!! Who am I kidding? Sounds good right, I mean after all I can repent afterwards right? Maybe but my conviction is SO much stronger than that and won’t allow me to even pick up the menu to order a drink. Recently I’ve had this fight in my flesh more than I’d like to admit. That was my way of escape in the past, it was easy to get lost in my thoughts and look up and I’d gone thru a whole bottle of wine. Not good, and I don’t want to go back there. So in that moment of weakness after gathering my thoughts, I went back and read an old post of mine that helped snatch me back to reality, I Need A Drink, and I wanted to share it with you today.

Maybe you have this same struggle or something similar that is piercing your flesh. If so I ask that you read that old post with an open mind and allow it to minister to you. Some may get upset or offended and if so I don’t apologize. I promised to give you my truth and give you the real in all of blog posts and that’s exactly what I am going to do. Give it to you straight, no sugar added. So here’s to another round…

Peace & Blessings,

sig KT

How it all started…The Journey Leading up to 12/6/2014

Catch up here…Such an amazing night and weekend I was sad to see him off to the airport. Our time spent with each other is important since it’s only a few days a month, but we’re making it do what it do! Can we say WEDDING PLANNING TIME!!!!! So exciting to actually be planning my own, I mean I’ve been involved with plenty from planning, decorating and setting up, to a bridesmaid. Not wanting to leave my boo out and wanting him to be involved on some things we started going over thoughts and ideas of what type of experience we wanted to have. Of course, I wanted to be different and unique and of course outside, so we ended up agreeing on our venue being the Museum of Life and Science in their butterfly garden. Can we say gorgeous! To road to May 25, 2014 was off to a great start.

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It was a great feeling in the planning process from viewing the venue and picking out our specific location to selecting our food…which was a food truck! How can you not have an outdoor wedding as unique as a museum and butterfly garden and not having unique food?!?!?!?! And to top it all off, in addition to a traditional desserts, we’re having a shaved ice truck! Yummy!!! A nice intimate setting with a touch of fun, how could we pass it up? Along the way, I found the perfect dress (or at least the look and style that I wanted but not the price tag lol). So me and one of the girlfriends were on a mission to find a similar dress and style but cheaper and came across a close match for a fraction of the cost. Now the catch was it’s coming from China! We all know how shaky some of these websites can be, so before ordering it, we prayed on that thing hard that it would arrive in a timely manner and compare to the picture that’s posted online. Prayers were answered because the dress arrived fairly quickly (maybe 4 weeks) AND it was EXACTLY the same as in the picture posted online. STOKED!!!!!!!!!!!!

With all the excitement in wedding planning, reality still exist and during that time our reality was serious communication issues. With limited face to face time, conversations were being misinterpreted and we both were frustrated with our poor communication in an otherwise healthy relationship. For me, this is a deal breaker. It got to the point where I wasn’t comfortable starting a marriage on a rocky foundation. So I did what I felt was right in my heart which was to cancel/postpone the wedding. Did some disapprove, yes. Were some supportive, yes. At that time, what mattered was that Robert and I have the best start on this journey as possible because I know that there will not always be good days and we needed to know how to navigate that if/when it arise. So we navigated our way through pre-marital and relationship counseling. Final chapter… coming soon!

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Determined

So truth be told, I was not up for writing a blog post today (hey! I’m just being honest). It’s a cold, rainy morning here in the Carolinas. And lately I’ve been in a ragged state of mind – where I’ve lost my motivation. I haven’t hungered to do the things that I so dearly love. I haven’t felt like I’m good enough to pursue my creative talents. I’ve just been in a daze watching the people of this world around me. “Wow, that’s nice! Wish I could do something like that.” Are the types of statements I’ve been saying. Just on this “WISH” factor lately, as if things are just too impossible to happen to and for me. And yes, I know this is not the talk of a believer. But we’re all human right? And my feelings and emotions are that of human nature. I know God is dealing with me because He keeps giving/sending me the Word that enlightens and reassures me of His promises. That at the very moments He sends them, I’m all amped up – only to come crashing back down. I’m writing you from a state of “Work In Progress,” because that’s truly where I am in life right now. I’m focusing on my future believer goals, career goals, wifey goals, and parenting goals. And to some, I know that may seem like a lot, but each ties into the other so it’s not as daunting of a list. I do have faith that I will reach my full potential, develop my creative talents, and reach each of my goals. I’m not giving up or giving in. The enemy may have slowed me down but not for long. I’m determined to be that which God has called me. My prayer today is that you and I never give up! We learn to fight back harder than ever. We believe that what we see is not the end result, God has promised us so much more. We honor and seek after Him daily. And that we speak life and not death.

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Girlfriends, enjoy the rest of your week and have a wonderfully blessed weekend!

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“Dust til 8”

So I often talk about my children and the day to day adventures that occurs in our family so why not share what’s been going on lately. So I’ll start with my oldest child, she has now entered into a time where it’s no longer a cool thing to have a brother. She is desperately trying to hold onto him being a baby as I am too, but this little fella is not having it. She is unable to steal a kiss or a hug from him without him frantically wiping his face as if its straight acid. She tries to help him out (she’s a little mama) and the response that we always get is “I do it”. He seems to be as big as she is so picking him up is a just awkward for everyone. We are on week three of potty training and I would say he pretty much has it down pack. We have had a total of three accidents in which mommy was not involved LOL. We couldn’t be more excited for him and our pocket of course, no more diapers. As of now he still wears a pull-up to bed although he’s been waking up dry. Lately it’s been a struggle because he wants to wear his big boy underwear to bed too, but this mama does not feel like stripping the bed in the middle of the night. With that being said using the public bathroom has been quite an adventure I have no idea why my little guy thinks a public bathroom stall is a children’s touch and feel Museum. I bout had an anxiety attack the first time I had to take him to use a public bathroom I was screaming PUT YOUR HANDS IN YOUR POCKETS AND DON’T TOUCH ANYTHING!!!. And then I couldn’t figure out whether to sit him down to go or should I let him stand up?……like it was just too much. Any suggestion for little boys using the ladies public bathroom? As for my baby girl on this spring break she has lost a total of three teeth two of which were the Chicklets in the front so you know how she is talking right about now LOL. I am proud to say that I have not forgotten my duty as Tooth Fairy even if it’s waking up at 5 o’clock in the morning with my phone flash light hunting for a tooth that never ever seems to be under the pillow and getting back out of the room before she wakes up. They are growing up fast, I try real hard not to blink, enjoy every moment of Dust til 8, or whenever your little one(s) crash.

 

 

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