Tag: family

Good Times…

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Hello luvs! I hope the weekend was lovely. Let me just say that there’s nothing better than having good times and making memories with family. We may not always have the time to spend that we want or the opportunity to travel for visits, but by golly it sure is nice when we do get together. Can I just say that I’m blessed to have a blended family that works! To be welcomed with open arms just feels lovely 😀. Granted, we’ve been a blended family for the past 18+ years and I couldn’t have asked for a more loving set of ladies. Anyway, over the long weekend my sister, niece and I went to visit my dad, mom, sisters and nieces in Maryland. Can I just say awesome weekend! From the surprise birthday treats for my sister to church on Sunday, just an overall nice and refreshing weekend; visited a local winery shared some exciting news, and spent time with my nieces.

Schedules can’t always work out, but hopefully the time between visits will get shorter and the stays become longer. Are there any of you ladies in blended families? Do you guys face any challenges or what were your initial hurdles to get through? I would love to hear your stories 😀

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“Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.”

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Growing Pains…

Hey Girlfriends!!! I pray that you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday and were able to share it among loved ones!

Okay so today I’m having a mushy mommy moment! My baby is growing up toooooooooooooooooo fast!!! She has developed SO much since she started school and continues to shock me every day with new phrases and sentences. She is very observant and has quite a sharp memory! She can reenact everything from circle time at school to the flow of intercessory prayer during Sunday morning worship!! Lol! She is trip ya’ll and I love it!!! Nothing warms my heart more than when she randomly runs up to me, wraps those little arms around my neck, kisses me on the cheek and says “Mommy I just love you!” **insert tear**

I’m looking forward to continue to watch her grow and develop but can’t help but get sad when those Facebook memories pop up with all of her various baby pictures that I previously posted. Where has the time gone? She will be 4 in 4 months…did you hear me 4!!!! I don’t think I’m ready yet. I want her to stay this little forever, is that too much to ask for? Am I the only mommy that feels this way? I know I can be a little crazy sometimes, but come on now I know I am not alone!!! LOL!!!

I thank God for blessing me with the gift of motherhood and I wouldn’t trade it in for the world. The good days, bad days, and yes even the acceptance of these growing pains that Sweet Pea is developing into her own little person. Its tough to accept but I have to do it!

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And you know it wouldn’t be me if I didn’t flip the attention off myself and on to you Girlfriend! For those that have been blessed to be called Mother, treasure that title, pray for your children constantly and strive to be the best woman for the job! And for those ladies that have the desire to carry the title of mother one day, continue to present your petition to our Father. If it be His will I pray that your request be given to you in His timing!

Until next week…

Peace & Blessings,

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Tornado Warning

Hey Ladies, it has been more than a minute since I last posted something. There is so much that has happened, so much change we’ll be catching up for a bit. Big thanks to my GIRLFRIENDS that didn’t make me feel bad not even for a second for taking a time out just to breathe and keep my head above water.

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Tornado Warning
I sit here and raise my hands to the keyboard positioned before me. It waits to receive what I have to offer, my thoughts, the very details or the lack there of. They say its good to express yourself or “get it out”, writing is therapeutic. For me, I also believe occasionally there is a time when sooo, so very much is going on at different levels that it seems damn near impossible to grasp a hold of anything to even talk about, share, vent. Perhaps I am the only one that feels this way. Overwhelmed, flooded, at loss for words is an understatement. It was natural for me to take a moment, a break, to where I didn’t have to “face” the storm. Now I will take a moment to view this particular season in life, this Tornado. Here lately, I had watched the signs of a storm, the funnel clouds, the “I’m sorry we went with another applicant on the townhouse”, the changes within my relationship, unexpected vital car repair that of course occurs at the same time all kid related financial obligations rest in my pockets only because……I’m mom. The unappreciated moments when I leave MY sick family to care for anothers…..the work place where often times I can’t even get a “thank you”. At times in fact I’m spoken to in such a way only the Lord can hold my tongue as I provide the best care for their loved ones, my patient. Thats the other side of nursing and then you have fools on TV to make a mockery over the sacrifices made daily by nurses….with our “doctor’s stethoscope”. It had been the little funnel clouds that hadn’t quite touched ground, but enough to get my attention.
We’ve got a touchdown, July 12th after working a 12 hour shift I was woken up out of my sleep with severe abdominal pain, bloat and nausea, that shortly had me and the toilet singing “Ohhhh……Go best friend, that’s my best friend, thats my best friend” lol. Eventually I just couldn’t take the pain anymore, to the ED I go, which as a nurse its always hard to go. After some testing I had a diagnosis of infectious colitis and enteritis which 3 days later I found to be caused by salmonella food poison. THE WORSE pain I’ve experienced thus far. I lost almost 20lbs and was out of work for two weeks. Getting out of the bed seemed to be a difficult task I was beyond weak. Not to mention the complications I experienced, phlebitis from my IV that was placed and thrush from the antibiotics. That was the first tornado to touchdown. The dust has settled and losses are accounted for, but wait……is that another funnel cloud.

 

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Then There’s You

Five years ago today, I became the Mrs. to my Mr. It was a beautiful “HOT” day that I’ll never forget. It felt like a dream and I think it took me to wake up the next morning to realize, it was a reality. I thank God for blessing me with such a hardworking, devoted, and loving husband.  I’m excited to see what the future has in store for us and look forward to many, many more anniversaries to come!

Our love story is not one of high school sweethearts or childhood friends. We met online and now every time I see an online dating commercial I literally laugh out loud when the couple lies about how they met. We share a bond that’s incomparable. So, today as we celebrate us and reflect on how much we’ve grown together, I just want to say THANK YOU. Thank you for loving me and our family to immeasurable lengths; for unselfishly grinding each and every day to support us; for putting up with me, flaws and all (it aint easy). Thank you for simply being the love of my life!

Happy Anniversary baby, I love you!

Our first dance:

8/7/2010

I woke up stressing yesterday
I went to sleep the same way
First thing that I saw this morning was your face
I think today I’ll be okay, thank you baby

Amazing how just one kiss, makes the drama not exist
And when the walls start closing in, then theres you
Rescuing me
And when the walls start crumbling, then theres you
If I aint got nothing else theres always you…

-Day 26: Then There’s You

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Enough Is Enough

Ever had that feeling when you are like “Yo, okay I get it, enough is enough already?!?!?” Yeah so that was me the other day. I had a (more like another) moment of weakness. In my thinking there were some things going on around me that I just didn’t understand and completely agree to. These thoughts stirred up other thoughts which in turn became doubts and anxiety and lead to a very difficult conversation with someone I love dearly.

It is so easy, human nature I guess, to blame what we consider as suffering on the enemy, when in actuality we are not suffering ,we are bearing the consequences of our actions. Deep huh, I can’t take credit for that though, my Pastor recently taught on this concept lol. But it really stuck with me and in the midst of all the craziness that was going on in my head the other day, I had to stop rebuke that negative thinking and realize that I’m not suffering per say, I’m dealing with those consequences of poor decisions. So again I say ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! It’s time to make some changes and move forward.

“And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace (Who imparts all blessing and favor), who has called you to His (own) eternal glory in Christ Jesus, will Himself complete and make you what you ought to be, establish and ground you securely, and strength and settle you.” 1 Peter 5:10 AMP

Well Hallelujah!!! Praise God for being delivered from my self-inflicted suffering and thank you Lord for settling my spirit so that I could think clearly and make plans to rectify the situation. It wasn’t easy having that talk with my husband, but I was able to get through the discussion without it becoming an argument and we both came to a consensus on a solution. Isn’t it a blessing when you look back over your “enough is enough” moment and see how well you handled it when it could have easily gone another way?  Again I praise you Lord for clarity of thought and for spiritual maturity because in the past moments such as this would have sent me over the top in worry, frustration and anxiety. Instead my feelings of doubt and anxiety turned into strength not because of my own intuition, but because of my relationship with my Father and sensitivity and leading of His Holy Spirit. I’m still growing ya’ll!!! This is a day by day, shoot some days a minute by minute, journey in this Christian walk. However I thank and  praise God for teaching moments just like these that keep me on my toes and continue to accelerate me in my spiritual (and natural) growth.

“(But what of that?) For I consider that the sufferings of this present time (this present life) are not worth being compared with the glory that is about to be revealed to us and in us and for us and conferred on us!” Romans 8:18 AMP

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Our Forever Love

“I now pronounce you husband and wife” *Deep Breath* *First Kiss as One Flesh* *Sigh of Relief* *WE MADE IT, FINALLY*Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!! Don’t mind me I’m just reflecting back on thoughts of my wedding day. You see Hubby and I will celebrate 4 years of marital bliss tomorrow!!! Wooooooooooo hoooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!

I am super excited to hit yet another milestone in our journey as husband and wife. I do not take any year we have spent becoming one for granted because honestly there were moments when I didn’t think we would make it to 4 years, shoot I didn’t think we would have made it to one year of marriage, just being real. Sure we have all seen the fairy tale love stories in movies, TV sitcoms and plays, but let’s be real; every day in reality of marriage is not all glitter and glam. There are days when I sit and think “is this really what I waited all my life for?” LOL! I mean really no one can get under my skin like that man!!! Even in those weak moments of doubt, I will fight anyone that speaks negatively or down about my man. (BUT SERIOUSLY!!!) No our journey has not been easy, there were moments when we were both ready to walk out the door, but looking back I don’t think I would trade it for the world. All the tests and trials that we’ve been through have only made us stronger and allowed us to love and appreciate each other more. The theme for our wedding was “A Forever Love” and I’d like to think we have made that theme of our marriage in totality. I took my vows seriously when I declared before God “to death do us part”. Divorce wasn’t an option then and it’s not an option now. Regardless of what trials are ahead of us, we have to remember that we made it through in the past and with the help of our Lord and Savior we will make it thru again.

So today I want to take a moment to salute the man that prayed for so many years ago and is blessed to now call my husband. I thank you for all that you’ve given to make me happy. I thank you for how you have put yourself on the backburner, and put your family first on many occasions. Thank you for all of the many sacrifices you made, for swallowing your pride and doing what you had to do to make sure that your family has been taken care of.  None of it goes unnoticed. I even thank you for working thru the hard moments when my actions or words were too harsh. Thank you for loving me past my hurts, my insecurities, for telling me that I’m beautiful and that you are blessed to have me. Thank you for doubling back that day in the mall almost 7 years ago to, as you say, “just make me smile”. Thank you for continuing to make me smile even today as I write this post.

I love you baby and I look forward to spending the rest of my life with you! Happy Anniversary my love!!! Okay I’m done reflecting; now it’s time for some celebrating….

“However, let each man of you (without exception) love his wife as (being in a sense) his very own self; and let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband (that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates, and esteems him; and that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly).” Ephesians 5:33 AMP

Anniversary Collage2

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How it all started…The Journey Leading up to 12/6/2014

Catch up here…With the holidays done, it was back to normal life with one minor adjustment…WE’RE GETTING MARRIED!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yep you read it right. So in the mix of the holidays lies my birthday. Yes I don’t really do much for my birthday, but since it was the BIG 3-0, I wanted to do a really nice sit down dinner at a fancy restaurant. So I started planning and inviting all my friends and their hubby’s. I got together this nice evite and picked out a fancy place and thought I was doing something lol…to my surprise (and it truly was because I know EVERYTHING!!!) there was something else in the mix brewing.

bday invite

Since in previous conversations I told Robert that I wanted to do something big for my birthday, but I really felt comfy doing something simple something small lol (I mean a girl can dream right lol). Needless to say, he teamed up with #TEAMDOCKERY and it was a wrap! Now I have been to their house, watched their kids while they were on a weekend getaway, spent Thanksgiving there and was totally clueless. I mean I usually know when stuff is going down. I give mad props to everyone for keeping this secret! I would say that the toughest part of their entire shindig was getting me there and they had the right person tasked with that…MY SISTER. So the story behind that was we were planning on working out, so I gets changed and waiting for my sister…and waiting…still waiting…finally I’m like you taking too long I’m not going. Then my mom says she has a headache and in pain can we go get her something from the store […now this should have been clue #1 that something fishy was going on because I’m pretty sure we have everything under the sun in our “medicine” cabinet, but I didn’t check she hurting go get something no if ands or buts…]. So then me and my sister spends 20 minutes in Harris Teeter and I’m ready to go because my momma hurting…then she forgets something and we circle the store. √ed that off the list…now to the line, but we had another detour; so about another 20 minutes pass and I’m done at this point. We finally leaves and then she wants to “go check out the clubhouse for the baby 1st birthday”…who does that at 8-9pm?!?!? After going back and forth for about 5 mins, I pull up there and told her I’m not going because it looks like someone having a Christmas party (I mean it is December). After another 5 minutes of arguing lol I went up towards the door and as I get to it and my sister opens it (I’m looking at her sideways lol) all I see is my mom and Robert!!!!!!!!! Oh I busted out in tears! I’m shocked because I have no clue why he’s here (I just saw him less than 2 weeks before for Thanksgiving) and why is he all dressed up. So after he comes outside to get me to come in (yea he had to come and get me lol) I see all of my luvs…mom, the baby, brother, all my besties, my aunt and a few cousins!!!! I was seriously in awe that this was happening…and did I mention that I have on gym clothes and everyone is all jazzy lol.

So after I speak to everyone I was whisked away and got changed (YES!!!!! They had hooked a sista up). Back to the party I go and I walk into “Scandal” affair. YAY! I’m so excited because that’s my show and I’m the leading lady 🙂 . I mean all of the characters where there even Pap Pope even down to the transitioning sound (sounds like a camera shutter lol) After it’s all said and solved P-A-R-T-T-A-A-Y-Y-Y T-I-M-E. Skrrreeek….things got quiet and people looking, then I see Robert with the microphone. It’s kinda hard to me to focus on what he’s saying because I’m trying to figure out what’s really going on….then he’s on ONE KNEE!!!!!!!!!!!!! I busted out crying again lmbo. I was such a crier that night. And I finally said YES! Yea yea yea…it took me a minute or two to get it together and say yes lol. December 6, 2013. Continue reading…

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Year One…

Happy Tuesday! As usual, I hope the weekend was good to you. My weekend was a little different this time. It was my first trip back to Connecticut since December 2014. The winter was harsh, so I decided to wait until warmer weather to visit. Let me just say that year one can be extremely hard…from holidays to “triggers” that brings back memories. Everyone and every situation are different. My visit was planned and had a purpose…sorting through belongings 🙁 . Because we were a long distant couple and our marriage started out that way as well, we never lived together. So everything was at his moms. Not totally ideal for me, but I do what I need to, what I know is right, and what I know Robert would want. So I cleared my weekend took TWO days off of work to travel only for me to feel like it was a waste of time 🙁 . I spent all of about 3 hours with his mom on Saturday and lunch on Sunday just to figure out that I now need to rent a cargo van, travel back to CT to get a few boxes. Definitely not my ideal situation. Not only did this weekend cost me about $800, but I now have to spend MORE $$$$$ to go back up there. Just a little ranting from frustration, but this is my reality… my year one!

I had the chance to visit his grave site for the first time. He still doesn’t have a permanent marker, but it’s on the way. It was very emotional to say the least. On my second visit the next day, I did take some flowers (had a little purple in there, which is my favorite color 🙂 ).  It was better than the first visit, a lot easier.

Robert

After my trip to CT, to make me a warm and fuzzy again, I went to see my little tink tink who’s only 7 weeks old!!!! Y’all know I luh da kids 🙂 . I found out one of the besties wasn’t feeling to hot and went to see her too (which she drove herself to the ED)!!! Now I’m all for supporting my loves when I know about it and when I can, but I ONLY go to hospitals now for the important people. Hospitals are definitely a trigger for me. Since I spent over 7 weeks day in and day out in a hospital, it’s just a sensitive place. Though she wasn’t hooked up to anything, I could still envision tubes, IVs, beeps, nurses in and out, being cognizant to what they were saying and just the look and feel of the rooms…just the habits that I picked up during that time. It helped some that I was talking to redirect my focus a little. But I held it together as I always try to do. Some days are easier than others; but I know she’s going to feel some type of way when she finds out, but she’ll be ok lol. Like I said, I’ll do what I can when I can!

My Year One series is just my thoughts, feelings and journey of the first year post-death of my hubby. I hope that it allows you to capture a view point from a young couple battling terminal cancer that was in the early part of their relationship. An outlook on the good, the bad and indifferent when dealing with grief, in-laws, legal matters, and just raw emotions.

Until next time…

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Daddy’s Girl

“Mommy, where’s Daddy?” “Mommy, I wanna see Daddy!” Something I hear quite frequently on a daily basis. If Hubby does not arrive home around his scheduled time, Sweet Pea is not having it! Oh and don’t let her fall asleep before he gets home and arise the next morning and he’s already left for work…insert whines and cries here! LOL! You guessed it…Sweet Pea is an all-around Daddy’s Girl and I love it!! But wait I can’t put it all on her because he’s just as crazy about her as she is about him! These two are the best of friends and I think it’s just the cutest thing ever!

You see my experience was not quite the same. As you’ve probably already noticed I have yet to mention anything about my father in past blog posts. My dad was called home at the age of 51, I was only 8 and my sister was 3. Being that I was so young I really do not have many memories of my father, he and my mom were never married. I really only have 1 vague memory of him leaving the house around my 8th birthday and telling me that he would be back soon as he had a gift for me. Sadly I don’t remember ever receiving that gift, but instead received the news from my mom that he had gone on to Heaven. At that age I didn’t understand much just that would not see my father anymore. I don’t remember crying or feeling sad until I got older and realized there was somewhat of a void in my life. Don’t get me wrong, my mom did an outstanding job in raising my sister and me, as I’ve told you before in Dear Mama. It was not her fault that my father made the decisions that he did, however I often wonder what life would have been like if the Lord would have allowed him to live. So many questions run through my mind, but one that stands out the most is if I would have been “his girl?” Yeah sure he has 2 other daughters besides me, but I can’t help but wonder what our relationship would have been like. Sometimes it’s hard for me to even talk about him because at times I really don’t know what to say. I try to avoid asking questions not to offend or bring up hurtful memories, but I still sit and wonder “what if.” To be honest, as bad as it may sound, I think it’s just easier to not mention or think about him at all. That way I don’t have to face the reality of never really knowing him or having a relationship with him.

“Honor your father and mother”–which is the first commandment with a promise –that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”  (Ephesians 6: 2-3)

For a long time I would skip the first part and go straight to mother as that is all that I know, right? WRONG! Regardless of what happened all those years ago, regardless of how I felt at 8 and how I feel now at 32, he was still my father I must give honor where honor is due. Yeah Daddy may not be here anymore but he’s still that, Daddy. I still find it weird even using that term “Daddy.” Nonetheless I had/have to stop focusing on the “what if” and start focusing on the One that has been there the entire time to fill the void of an earthy father, my Heavenly Father. Those talks that I desire to have with a father, I can have with Him. The feeling of “I made my Daddy proud”, I can still feel with my Heavenly Father. And yes those moments of discipline and correction, even from Heaven will sting just as bad if not worse!

Fast forward to now…I think this is one of many reasons why I love watching the relationship between Sweet Pea and Hubby continue to grow. I know that God makes no mistakes and just maybe He has allowed me to experience the concept of a daddy’s girl not only through my relationship with Him but also through the relationship of my husband and daughter. (Although sometimes I get a little jealous when she prefers him over me lol) I pray that as she gets older that the closeness that they share is never broken and it is a bond that she will always cherish.

This Father’s Day not only will I celebrate my relationship with my Heavenly Father, my Spiritual Father (my Pastor), my loving Husband, and my Mama (yes we buy her a card on Father’s day too) but I will also take time out to honor my late father. With that being said…

me and bunky

Happy Father’s Day Daddy, from “Your Girl”

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daddy's girl

Hubby and Sweet Pea
Summer 2013

Summer, Summer, Summertime!!!

“Here it is the groove, slightly transformed; just a bit of the break from the norm…” Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh ya’ll didn’t know I could rhyme like that huh? LOL!! Sike! Sing with me now “Summer, summer, summertime; time to sit back and unwind”. Ya’ll remember that? Will Smith (aka The Fresh Prince) and DJ Jazzy Jeff’s 1991 hit song “Summertime”. Man that was good music, right? It just isn’t quite summer until you hear that on the radio. It just puts you in the mood for all that the summer season has to offer!

Yeah I know the season has not quite officially changed yet, but the warmer weather, and seeing that it is now officially June, just kinda puts you in the mood for everything that is “summer”. So what do I look forward to most this time of the year?

VACATION!!! I don’t think I’ve been on a big vacation in a few years now, but girlllllllllllllllllllllllllllll let me tell you, I am LONG overdue!!! The sand, sun and ocean waves are calling my name!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! There is something about the beach, specifically the water, that just brings a peace all over you! Hubby and I will celebrate 4 years of marital bliss this July and I hope that we are able to steal away for an extended weekend vacation to enjoy each other and rekindle that “newly-wed” flame from our honeymoon if you get my drift. (Insert girly giggles lolol) In addition to an adult getaway, I look forward to taking the kids to the beach as well so they can splash around and just enjoy being a kid. We may even slide in a trip to the NC Zoo or Aquarium this summer. I might enjoy that trip more than the kids lol. Wherever we go, it will be fun because I will have my family surrounding me with love and most importantly will be away from the same daily routine and worries of everyday life!

FAMILY GATHERINGS/COOKOUTS!!! I told you all before that I am a part of the Big Girl Club so you know I like to eat! LOL!! You know what that means…bring on the cookouts honey!! Hubby threw down on the grill Memorial Day weekend and I’m ready for some grill action this summer! This time of year typically brings about Family Reunions/Gatherings and I’m all for it!! Picture it…all the women in the family are in the kitchen prepping food (or sitting at the table gossiping, don’t front you know its true lol), the men folk are outside standing around the grill, kids running in and out the house, music bumping, house full of laughter…kinda makes you want to plan a get together this weekend, right?!? I just love getting together with my family especially now that we are all getting older. Everyone’s lives are going in so many different directions so when we are able to get the entire family together, its like a great accomplishment! Just talking about it has me counting down to the July 4th weekend!!

So to summarize it all, summertime to me is all about FAMILY, which puts me in my happy place, kinda like the song did at the beginning of this post. Yeah I know every day will not be a sunny day per say, but hey it’s all in how you look at it! Cheers to fun-filled vacations, spectacular family gatherings, and an all-around amazing summer season!!!

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