“Mommy, where’s Daddy?” “Mommy, I wanna see Daddy!” Something I hear quite frequently on a daily basis. If Hubby does not arrive home around his scheduled time, Sweet Pea is not having it! Oh and don’t let her fall asleep before he gets home and arise the next morning and he’s already left for work…insert whines and cries here! LOL! You guessed it…Sweet Pea is an all-around Daddy’s Girl and I love it!! But wait I can’t put it all on her because he’s just as crazy about her as she is about him! These two are the best of friends and I think it’s just the cutest thing ever!
You see my experience was not quite the same. As you’ve probably already noticed I have yet to mention anything about my father in past blog posts. My dad was called home at the age of 51, I was only 8 and my sister was 3. Being that I was so young I really do not have many memories of my father, he and my mom were never married. I really only have 1 vague memory of him leaving the house around my 8th birthday and telling me that he would be back soon as he had a gift for me. Sadly I don’t remember ever receiving that gift, but instead received the news from my mom that he had gone on to Heaven. At that age I didn’t understand much just that would not see my father anymore. I don’t remember crying or feeling sad until I got older and realized there was somewhat of a void in my life. Don’t get me wrong, my mom did an outstanding job in raising my sister and me, as I’ve told you before in Dear Mama. It was not her fault that my father made the decisions that he did, however I often wonder what life would have been like if the Lord would have allowed him to live. So many questions run through my mind, but one that stands out the most is if I would have been “his girl?” Yeah sure he has 2 other daughters besides me, but I can’t help but wonder what our relationship would have been like. Sometimes it’s hard for me to even talk about him because at times I really don’t know what to say. I try to avoid asking questions not to offend or bring up hurtful memories, but I still sit and wonder “what if.” To be honest, as bad as it may sound, I think it’s just easier to not mention or think about him at all. That way I don’t have to face the reality of never really knowing him or having a relationship with him.
“Honor your father and mother”–which is the first commandment with a promise –that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.” (Ephesians 6: 2-3)
For a long time I would skip the first part and go straight to mother as that is all that I know, right? WRONG! Regardless of what happened all those years ago, regardless of how I felt at 8 and how I feel now at 32, he was still my father I must give honor where honor is due. Yeah Daddy may not be here anymore but he’s still that, Daddy. I still find it weird even using that term “Daddy.” Nonetheless I had/have to stop focusing on the “what if” and start focusing on the One that has been there the entire time to fill the void of an earthy father, my Heavenly Father. Those talks that I desire to have with a father, I can have with Him. The feeling of “I made my Daddy proud”, I can still feel with my Heavenly Father. And yes those moments of discipline and correction, even from Heaven will sting just as bad if not worse!
Fast forward to now…I think this is one of many reasons why I love watching the relationship between Sweet Pea and Hubby continue to grow. I know that God makes no mistakes and just maybe He has allowed me to experience the concept of a daddy’s girl not only through my relationship with Him but also through the relationship of my husband and daughter. (Although sometimes I get a little jealous when she prefers him over me lol) I pray that as she gets older that the closeness that they share is never broken and it is a bond that she will always cherish.
This Father’s Day not only will I celebrate my relationship with my Heavenly Father, my Spiritual Father (my Pastor), my loving Husband, and my Mama (yes we buy her a card on Father’s day too) but I will also take time out to honor my late father. With that being said…
Happy Father’s Day Daddy, from “Your Girl”
Hubby and Sweet Pea