Tag: fear

The Fear of the Unknown

So here I am, on the brink of a new season. I wish I could say that I was completely excited about it, but I’m just not there yet. This is quite an unexpected season and feels like a bit of a crossroad. Like I’m standing in the middle trying to decide which direction to turn in first. This is not a good feeling, and to be honest I’m fearful of what will come next.

Now I know you are probably thinking, what happened to me living by my 2017 mantra “Stop walking in fear, run with faith”. It’s still there, but how many of us know that with this declaration there has to come a test to push me to excel in the mantra. So here we are at the crossroad of this test and it is a hard one. I’ve been forced to make a decision that I didn’t feel like would come at this point in my life. I’d gotten comfortable, this felt like home, well it was home, or so I thought. It was home for that season, but as the saying goes “all good things must come to an end”. And I think that is the part that is really hard for me to accept and fully comprehend. Why must it end like this? Lord, why did you bring me to this place for it to just be taken away so abruptly? But at the same time I’m wondering if warning signs were there and I just passed by them, ignored them or overlooked them? Or was I just completely blindsided and it was time for the truth to be revealed. These questions play in my head daily and even haunt me in my dreams.

So where do I go from here? Though I’m not ready to start over, this is what is before me. New seasons are supposed to feel good, a fresh start, right? In this case the fear of the unknown is trying to take over and consume my thoughts and emotions. Just when I think I have cried my last tear, and am near making peace with this decision, here comes the hurt and anger all over again. But this is not how I roll and that is definitely not how He rolls. There is a purpose and a plan for everything that happens in life, but it’s up to me to find that purpose. To figure out what I am to learn from this and then seek guidance on how to move forward. But its hard ya’ll, I really have no other way to describe it. (And before I go any further let me stop and clear the air and let you know that this post nor any of my recent posts have anything to do with my husband or our marriage. We are still happily married and very much in love! Just had to put that out there lol)

I guess the best way to describe it right now is to be honest and say I’m afraid. I’m afraid of what comes next and all that comes along with it. Will I (we) make the right decision, will we be accepted, how long will it take to find “home”, will this be our permanent place or will we have to endure this hardship or something similar all over again? I’m sorry if I’m a little scattered today, but I just needed to get my thoughts out. I’m normally strong, or at least try to be but today I need to just take the veil off and just express how I feel. That helps my healing process because if I continue to keep it bottled up these feelings are only going to get worse. Although I apologize for the brain dump, I make no apologies about how I feel regarding this situation. I’m entitled to my feelings and I’m working through it. But something of this magnitude takes time to get over. As I express myself here please believe that I am still taking it all to my Daddy. He is the one that has the answers and as I wrote in Silence Speaks, I just have to continue to remain still as this new season unfolds. So here I stand at the crossroads waiting on my GPS (Daddy) to give directions on the next move…

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they will not overwhelm you. When you walk through fire, you will not be scorched, Nor will the flame burn you.; “Because you are precious in My sight, You are honored and I love you, I will give other men in return for you and other peoples in exchange for your life. ~ Isaiah 43: 2, 4 AMP

Peace & Blessings,

(Photo Cred: https://www.pinterest.com/rhiwalser/quotes-that-i-love/)

#WINNING

Have you ever wanted to #WIN at something so bad that you talk yourself out of it or write-it-off before you ever even begin to try? Well that was me yesterday as I was discussing the matter of changing up some things in my daily diet with my fellow Girlfriends. I was so quick to respond “I’m just SCARED lol” and then they asked “but why?” And then I had the nerve to say “to fail” (I know shame on me). So this morning I decided to define both scared and failure:

Scared – thrown into or being in a state of fear, fright, or panic

Failure – lack of success, a falling short, a state of inability to perform a normal function, omission of occurrence or performance

But wait that’s not how I would describe myself! I know what the Bible says and declares for my life so how dare I speak so lightly of it.

For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. ~ 2 Timothy 1:7 (KJV)

So on today I just want to encourage you ladies that no matter what it is your facing (financial difficulties, weight gain, anxiety, depression, etc.) every morning you awake to a new day, new mercies, another chance to #WIN in life. Don’t allow fear or failure to try and dictate your life! When you hear that little voice saying you CAN’T at something, stand firm on God’s promises and respond back with the attitude of “well devil just what if I actually DO succeed, now what” #WINNING

You fail if you don’t attempt and you will never know if you’ll succeed if you never try. ~ E. Ford

And with that – let’s make life each and every day about #WINNING with Jesus!

But thanks be to God, which giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. ~ 1 Corinthians 15:57 (KJV)

Have a wonderful weekend ladies!

Joy for Your Day,

Say Something

Don’t be afraid to talk because of fear- fear of how it may make the other person feel or fear of thinking you may upset them.

December 2014 was a very emotional time for me. I mean it had its perks like my birthday, one of my GF’s (Erin) birthday, my baby boy’s birthday, and well most importantly Jesus’ birthday! But with all the celebration came a devastating loss. Our dear girlfriend Erin husband passed. As a wife, it was very difficult to think about how my husband is still here but my best friend’s isn’t. I spent many days crying and thanking God that I still had him. Those, oh-so human questions constantly flowed my mind… like why Erin, why now. As the friend, whose husband was still alive, I found it hard to offer encouraging words… like what do I say? I couldn’t use the cliché sayings like, I know what you’re going through (I mean granted yes I’ve experienced the loss of a love one but certainly not at this capacity). All I knew to do was to call, text, and/or message her (through google hangout) to see how things were going, was she alone, was there anything I could do, etc. I just felt so helpless to her being that she was 10 hours away. I will say this experience certainly brought all the GIRLFRIENDS closer as we united daily with others in prayer for peace and comfort over Erin. So fast-forwarding after all services were completed and Erin returned to North Carolina… now what? How do we move forward with life? Do we just avoid the subject of husbands/spouses? Do I talk about things related to my husband? At what point, do I ask or encourage her to love again? Just a lot of questions that while some seem logically appropriate, others may not. And now as time has passed and Erin is becoming more open and vocal, even here sharing with you on this blog about her journey, we’ve been able to slowly tap into the answers to some of these questions and find out how she’s truly coping with her grief.

Grief shouldn’t be ignored because it could be portrayed that you think that they’re fine but the only way to know is to talk-SAY SOMETHING. You must continuously pray and be there for your friend to let them know they’re not forgotten. With death people are constantly around from the day it happens until the day of the burial. They may come by the following day and then call the next day after that, but as each day passes the more distant people become as if they’re done grieving. You never know how someone is really doing or grieving until you take the time to ask the necessary questions, or spend that real quality time involving conversation about: How they’ve been feeling? What they’ve been doing? And just getting a good sense or feeling about them and knowing they are really okay.

Everyone grieves differently but no one should go through it alone. Sometimes putting on the brave face is not what they need from you. You showing your true feelings can actually help both you and them get through the tough time together.

In all things, remember the promises of God…

Comfort:

Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.     ~Matthew 5:4

Strength:

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. ~Isaiah 41:10

Care:

Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.  Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. ~ 1 Peter 5:6-7

Have a wonderfully blessed Memorial weekend ladies!

sig TW