Tag: journey

This Is Me

I have a sarcastic sense of humor.
I love all things ice cream.
I can be extremely silly at times.
I love to dance.
When I sing, I sing loudly (and sometimes wrong lol)
When I love, I love hard.
I can have a bad attitude at times.
I have a problem with letting things go (Which I told you in my post Blessed And Unbothered)
I have insecurities.
Sometimes I speak out of turn.
I can forgive, but I struggle with the “forget”

These are just a few things that make me, me. The good, the bad and the ugly. Each piece put together uniquely design who you are getting to know…Katesha. As I get older, more of me, is revealed to me. I’m beginning to learn that although I’ve been me for 33 (almost 34 AHHH!!) years, there is still a lot that I am learning about myself. Every time that I think I have overcome something, I am quickly proved wrong and tasked with getting over and/or through it all over again.

Ever since I wrote the post about learning to let things go and not allowing “them” to bother me, I have been tested in this area constantly. Each time the test has been targeted in different areas of my life, which causes me to process and deal with each differently. I’ve learned that I internalize a lot. I really only open up to a very, I mean very, few people. Mainly because I like to deal with things on my own, but also because I do not want to have to process the opinions of others on top of my own which essentially end up confusing me more. Now I know that this may sound like a bit of an oxymoron as I am always telling others to open up and talk about it. But sometimes it is just easier to not say anything at all, speaking of me here.

I’ve really been working, or attempting to work on perfecting me in this season. I put a quote on my vision board that states ” I’m good at being me, but I want to become a better me”. I may have paraphrased that since it’s not in front of me at the moment, but I hope you get the gist lol. I’m finding that there is a lot of me that I just don’t like and that’s not always a good feeling. But in order to reach the ultimate goal of becoming more like Christ I have to deal with it, as ugly as it may be at times. And maybe, just maybe, that is what I find to be the most difficult part, looking at the (wo)man in the mirror, peeling off the layers that can no longer be attached to me.

I have a shirt that I love to wear that says “I’m fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalms 139:14), but question have I really dissected what that means to me personally…until now. I was made in His own image and He designed every intricate part of me, so why not embrace it, right? I have to learn to embrace every part of me, every season of life and when I hit the difficult parts, turn to Him to remove them or direct me on how to correct them. It’s just as simple as that. The road may not always be easy in this journey called life, but the pruning season(s) is(are) necessary in order for me to live out and walk in my purpose.

This is a day by day thing girlfriends, and I pray that you will take the time to evaluate yourself, just as I am. It is needed and something that we have to do to in order to remain humble and display/share the love of Christ to others.

He who gains wisdom and good sense loves (preserves) his own soul; He who keeps understanding will find good and prosper. Proverbs 19:8 AMP

Peace & Blessings,

(Photo Cred: http://andoutofsmallthings.com/one-step-to-become-who-you-are-meant-to-be/)

 

Year One…

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Hey luvs!!!! It’s been a few days, but I’m here today. Have you ever had a moment when you’re just not “feeling it”??? Yea that’s been me the last few weeks…just been in that BLAH feeling. Then one day while at work, cleaning papers off the desk and came across notes that I took last year when talking to the doctors and trying to understand medical terminology. It dampened the mood a little, but not for long. After work, I celebrated with one of his favorite drinks…San Pellegrino Blood Orange drink (even though I don’t drink carbonated beverages). I’m so excited about the small things these days. He may not be here in the physical, but the memories are just as good. Have a happy and blessed Tuesday!

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P.S.

I’m giving a special shout out to my baby brother…today’s his 18th birthday!!!!! (can we say photo-bombing lol but I SOOOOO luv luv luv this picture!)anthony

Tornado Warning

Hey Ladies, it has been more than a minute since I last posted something. There is so much that has happened, so much change we’ll be catching up for a bit. Big thanks to my GIRLFRIENDS that didn’t make me feel bad not even for a second for taking a time out just to breathe and keep my head above water.

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Tornado Warning
I sit here and raise my hands to the keyboard positioned before me. It waits to receive what I have to offer, my thoughts, the very details or the lack there of. They say its good to express yourself or “get it out”, writing is therapeutic. For me, I also believe occasionally there is a time when sooo, so very much is going on at different levels that it seems damn near impossible to grasp a hold of anything to even talk about, share, vent. Perhaps I am the only one that feels this way. Overwhelmed, flooded, at loss for words is an understatement. It was natural for me to take a moment, a break, to where I didn’t have to “face” the storm. Now I will take a moment to view this particular season in life, this Tornado. Here lately, I had watched the signs of a storm, the funnel clouds, the “I’m sorry we went with another applicant on the townhouse”, the changes within my relationship, unexpected vital car repair that of course occurs at the same time all kid related financial obligations rest in my pockets only because……I’m mom. The unappreciated moments when I leave MY sick family to care for anothers…..the work place where often times I can’t even get a “thank you”. At times in fact I’m spoken to in such a way only the Lord can hold my tongue as I provide the best care for their loved ones, my patient. Thats the other side of nursing and then you have fools on TV to make a mockery over the sacrifices made daily by nurses….with our “doctor’s stethoscope”. It had been the little funnel clouds that hadn’t quite touched ground, but enough to get my attention.
We’ve got a touchdown, July 12th after working a 12 hour shift I was woken up out of my sleep with severe abdominal pain, bloat and nausea, that shortly had me and the toilet singing “Ohhhh……Go best friend, that’s my best friend, thats my best friend” lol. Eventually I just couldn’t take the pain anymore, to the ED I go, which as a nurse its always hard to go. After some testing I had a diagnosis of infectious colitis and enteritis which 3 days later I found to be caused by salmonella food poison. THE WORSE pain I’ve experienced thus far. I lost almost 20lbs and was out of work for two weeks. Getting out of the bed seemed to be a difficult task I was beyond weak. Not to mention the complications I experienced, phlebitis from my IV that was placed and thrush from the antibiotics. That was the first tornado to touchdown. The dust has settled and losses are accounted for, but wait……is that another funnel cloud.

 

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Wanna Be Happy?

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Happy Tuesday luvs!!!! Have you ever had that moment when you question everything in your life?!?! Whether it’s work, family/friends, faith, decisions, self-image and worth, and the list could go on for days. During all of that doubt that’s stirring up and those racing thoughts, have you stopped and summed it up to “I just wanna be happy”?

As I often do during my Monday morning commute into work (2.5 hr drive) I have time for reflection, that “me” time, that time when you reconnect yourself to the things that really matter. Now, let me pause for a second and give a little background. I visit family on the weekends and I leave dark and early on Mondays; but, this drive was also vital communication time between me and my husband. So now, I listen to gospel/inspirational because I can sing my way home lol but it also speaks to my spirit especially when the going gets tough. At this moment, life sure does have its challenges.

Like any other Monday, listening to Slacker Radio jamming down I-85S at 4am, Wanna Be Happy by Kirk Franklin comes on.  The lyrics, as always, were right on time. I won’t dissect it all, but who’s not cried their eyes out or entrusted the core of their being in the hands of man for them to be a disappointment? How can I place blame on anything/anyone else if I don’t change what I’ve been doing and how I’ve been doing it that leads me nowhere? I’m not happy because I continuously let myself get in the way; whether it’s making excuses or procrastinating. There comes a point when you have to remove yourself and let your faith be present.

If you’re tired of being the same
If you’re tired of things not changing
It’s time for you to gt out the way
Don’t get stuck in how you feel
Say Jesus take the wheel
He knows the road that you need to take
If you wanna be happy

As we all go through this thing called life, I challenge you to BE HAPPY. Whether it’s going after a new job, moving to a new city, or following your dreams and passions, activate your faith and embrace the journey.

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Upward and Onward

Upward & Onward Image

Finally I did it. Freedom has been granted. Thank you Jesus!!! You’re probably wondering what I’m talking about. Well Girlfriends after 10 long years (11 counting my internship) I was blessed to turn in my resignation from my job.  Surprised??? Yeah I know I was just recently talking about celebrating the milestone of 10 years on the same job in 10 Years Later… , and believe me I have, but God has opened a door to where I can finally be free from the cage that I’ve felt like I was stuck in for so long. I can’t even begin to describe the freedom that I feel. I’ll have to admit I was a little nervous walking into my boss’s office to hand him that letter, but I walked out with a great sigh of relief and a major praise on my lips!!!

So what’s next you ask? My last official day was on the 7th (yeah I know I kept a secret from you all lol) and I have now been blessed with a great opportunity with another company. I always said that I even though I was unhappy with my position at the last job that I would not leave unless the right (Heaven sent) position came along. And to God be the glory I can finally say that position has come! I’ve only been on the job a few days, but so far it has been nothing but good. The opportunity for growth that I so desperately desired and wanted is now right before me. Now it’s just up to me to continue to grow and mature within the industry and allow the Lord to lead me as He sees fit! The sky is the limit girlfriends and I am ready for the ride!!! Can you feel my excitement????????

Not only have I recently started a new job, but I also started my graduate certificate program last week. Chile, I took one look at that syllabus my professor sent and thought, wait a minute am I sure this is what I want to do LOL! But that recently deposited tuition payment reminded me that I had no choice at this point! All jokes aside, I am super excited about starting this program and am actually ready for the challenge that it will present. The content of the class and coursework peaks my interest and now that I’m older (and not a silly teenager rushing thru work to get to a party) I’m confident that I will excel and it is my mission to maintain a 4.0 GPA throughout the duration of this program. I need your prayers!!! And speaking of prayers (lol) I’ve recently received a new ministry position that I’m super excited about too. (I’ll share more details later) Yeah I know what you are thinking, how am I going to handle it all? To be honest I don’t know LOL! But I’ll get thru it all without anything lacking. It’s all about balance and having a good day planner!

God is truly doing some amazing things in my life right now! This is definitely my season of new and elevation! I’ve always been told to be careful what you wish or pray for, and they ain’t neva lied!!! I got exactly what I asked for and then some lol. But I’m not mad, I’m forever grateful for each and every opportunity. I know that there are challenges ahead of me as I learn to balance everything, but if done properly I know that I will be successful at all of it. So it’s upward and onward from here, there’s no looking back now!

For I know the thoughts and plans that I have for you, says the Lord, thoughts and plans for welfare and peace and not for evil, to give you hope in your final outcome.” Jeremiah 29:11 AMP

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Then There’s You

Five years ago today, I became the Mrs. to my Mr. It was a beautiful “HOT” day that I’ll never forget. It felt like a dream and I think it took me to wake up the next morning to realize, it was a reality. I thank God for blessing me with such a hardworking, devoted, and loving husband.  I’m excited to see what the future has in store for us and look forward to many, many more anniversaries to come!

Our love story is not one of high school sweethearts or childhood friends. We met online and now every time I see an online dating commercial I literally laugh out loud when the couple lies about how they met. We share a bond that’s incomparable. So, today as we celebrate us and reflect on how much we’ve grown together, I just want to say THANK YOU. Thank you for loving me and our family to immeasurable lengths; for unselfishly grinding each and every day to support us; for putting up with me, flaws and all (it aint easy). Thank you for simply being the love of my life!

Happy Anniversary baby, I love you!

Our first dance:

8/7/2010

I woke up stressing yesterday
I went to sleep the same way
First thing that I saw this morning was your face
I think today I’ll be okay, thank you baby

Amazing how just one kiss, makes the drama not exist
And when the walls start closing in, then theres you
Rescuing me
And when the walls start crumbling, then theres you
If I aint got nothing else theres always you…

-Day 26: Then There’s You

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Enough Is Enough

Ever had that feeling when you are like “Yo, okay I get it, enough is enough already?!?!?” Yeah so that was me the other day. I had a (more like another) moment of weakness. In my thinking there were some things going on around me that I just didn’t understand and completely agree to. These thoughts stirred up other thoughts which in turn became doubts and anxiety and lead to a very difficult conversation with someone I love dearly.

It is so easy, human nature I guess, to blame what we consider as suffering on the enemy, when in actuality we are not suffering ,we are bearing the consequences of our actions. Deep huh, I can’t take credit for that though, my Pastor recently taught on this concept lol. But it really stuck with me and in the midst of all the craziness that was going on in my head the other day, I had to stop rebuke that negative thinking and realize that I’m not suffering per say, I’m dealing with those consequences of poor decisions. So again I say ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! It’s time to make some changes and move forward.

“And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace (Who imparts all blessing and favor), who has called you to His (own) eternal glory in Christ Jesus, will Himself complete and make you what you ought to be, establish and ground you securely, and strength and settle you.” 1 Peter 5:10 AMP

Well Hallelujah!!! Praise God for being delivered from my self-inflicted suffering and thank you Lord for settling my spirit so that I could think clearly and make plans to rectify the situation. It wasn’t easy having that talk with my husband, but I was able to get through the discussion without it becoming an argument and we both came to a consensus on a solution. Isn’t it a blessing when you look back over your “enough is enough” moment and see how well you handled it when it could have easily gone another way?  Again I praise you Lord for clarity of thought and for spiritual maturity because in the past moments such as this would have sent me over the top in worry, frustration and anxiety. Instead my feelings of doubt and anxiety turned into strength not because of my own intuition, but because of my relationship with my Father and sensitivity and leading of His Holy Spirit. I’m still growing ya’ll!!! This is a day by day, shoot some days a minute by minute, journey in this Christian walk. However I thank and  praise God for teaching moments just like these that keep me on my toes and continue to accelerate me in my spiritual (and natural) growth.

“(But what of that?) For I consider that the sufferings of this present time (this present life) are not worth being compared with the glory that is about to be revealed to us and in us and for us and conferred on us!” Romans 8:18 AMP

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#NewMusicTuesday

You know it’s not always easy to blog (for me anyway). I’m at a place in my life where I feel like I’m at a crossroad and majority of my posts are about that…gotta take the good, bad, happy, sad and indifferent. So today is no different lol. I mean I’m a thinker and I think all the time about EVERYTHING! This morning was no different on the drive to work thinking and listening to the radio, it was #NewMusicTuesday and they played a song by Tina Campbell called Destiny. This song right here was right on time. When you’re at a crossroad in life or just need a little reassurance about this thing called LIFE (like I am with my career/job, the emotional struggles of grieving and ready to love and be loved again, relocating to be closer to family/friends but still wanting to go somewhere different), just remember that you have a purpose and no matter what happen on the journey, you’re working towards fulfilling your destiny. It’s not always a smooth paved road along the way, but you always come out better. Just keep pressing…

What gets you over that hump or roadblock? Until next time…

“Destiny”
I’ve got a destination
In my view
The road may be bumpy getting there
But I’m pressing through
I will enjoy this journey
No matter come what may
I’ll become better and stronger
And wiser everyday
I’ve got a vision and a purpose
A divine destiny
It may not look like it right now
But faith ain’t what I see
It is the things I hope for
Believing that it will come
And no matter how long it takes
I know GOD’s will shall be done
His will is I prosper
His will is that I win
His will is that I fight on
His will is that I live
Ewww,,
He gave me what I needed
When he gave me his son
He gave me hope and a future
He gave me the greatest love
And now that I’ve got Jesus
Helping me along the way
He’s perfecting everything about this ole girl
Making me new in every way
So I’m singing
Hallelujah! I’m not what I used to be
I’m following Jesus everyday
To reach my destiny
I believe I’ll sing it again
Hallelujah! I’m not what I used to be
I’m following Jesus everyday
To reach my destiny
I believe I’ll sing it again
Hallelujah! I’m not what I used to be
I’m following Jesus everyday
To reach my destiny!

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Our Forever Love

“I now pronounce you husband and wife” *Deep Breath* *First Kiss as One Flesh* *Sigh of Relief* *WE MADE IT, FINALLY*Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!! Don’t mind me I’m just reflecting back on thoughts of my wedding day. You see Hubby and I will celebrate 4 years of marital bliss tomorrow!!! Wooooooooooo hoooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!

I am super excited to hit yet another milestone in our journey as husband and wife. I do not take any year we have spent becoming one for granted because honestly there were moments when I didn’t think we would make it to 4 years, shoot I didn’t think we would have made it to one year of marriage, just being real. Sure we have all seen the fairy tale love stories in movies, TV sitcoms and plays, but let’s be real; every day in reality of marriage is not all glitter and glam. There are days when I sit and think “is this really what I waited all my life for?” LOL! I mean really no one can get under my skin like that man!!! Even in those weak moments of doubt, I will fight anyone that speaks negatively or down about my man. (BUT SERIOUSLY!!!) No our journey has not been easy, there were moments when we were both ready to walk out the door, but looking back I don’t think I would trade it for the world. All the tests and trials that we’ve been through have only made us stronger and allowed us to love and appreciate each other more. The theme for our wedding was “A Forever Love” and I’d like to think we have made that theme of our marriage in totality. I took my vows seriously when I declared before God “to death do us part”. Divorce wasn’t an option then and it’s not an option now. Regardless of what trials are ahead of us, we have to remember that we made it through in the past and with the help of our Lord and Savior we will make it thru again.

So today I want to take a moment to salute the man that prayed for so many years ago and is blessed to now call my husband. I thank you for all that you’ve given to make me happy. I thank you for how you have put yourself on the backburner, and put your family first on many occasions. Thank you for all of the many sacrifices you made, for swallowing your pride and doing what you had to do to make sure that your family has been taken care of.  None of it goes unnoticed. I even thank you for working thru the hard moments when my actions or words were too harsh. Thank you for loving me past my hurts, my insecurities, for telling me that I’m beautiful and that you are blessed to have me. Thank you for doubling back that day in the mall almost 7 years ago to, as you say, “just make me smile”. Thank you for continuing to make me smile even today as I write this post.

I love you baby and I look forward to spending the rest of my life with you! Happy Anniversary my love!!! Okay I’m done reflecting; now it’s time for some celebrating….

“However, let each man of you (without exception) love his wife as (being in a sense) his very own self; and let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband (that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates, and esteems him; and that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly).” Ephesians 5:33 AMP

Anniversary Collage2

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How it all started…The Journey Leading up to 12/6/2014

Catch up here…With the holidays done, it was back to normal life with one minor adjustment…WE’RE GETTING MARRIED!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yep you read it right. So in the mix of the holidays lies my birthday. Yes I don’t really do much for my birthday, but since it was the BIG 3-0, I wanted to do a really nice sit down dinner at a fancy restaurant. So I started planning and inviting all my friends and their hubby’s. I got together this nice evite and picked out a fancy place and thought I was doing something lol…to my surprise (and it truly was because I know EVERYTHING!!!) there was something else in the mix brewing.

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Since in previous conversations I told Robert that I wanted to do something big for my birthday, but I really felt comfy doing something simple something small lol (I mean a girl can dream right lol). Needless to say, he teamed up with #TEAMDOCKERY and it was a wrap! Now I have been to their house, watched their kids while they were on a weekend getaway, spent Thanksgiving there and was totally clueless. I mean I usually know when stuff is going down. I give mad props to everyone for keeping this secret! I would say that the toughest part of their entire shindig was getting me there and they had the right person tasked with that…MY SISTER. So the story behind that was we were planning on working out, so I gets changed and waiting for my sister…and waiting…still waiting…finally I’m like you taking too long I’m not going. Then my mom says she has a headache and in pain can we go get her something from the store […now this should have been clue #1 that something fishy was going on because I’m pretty sure we have everything under the sun in our “medicine” cabinet, but I didn’t check she hurting go get something no if ands or buts…]. So then me and my sister spends 20 minutes in Harris Teeter and I’m ready to go because my momma hurting…then she forgets something and we circle the store. √ed that off the list…now to the line, but we had another detour; so about another 20 minutes pass and I’m done at this point. We finally leaves and then she wants to “go check out the clubhouse for the baby 1st birthday”…who does that at 8-9pm?!?!? After going back and forth for about 5 mins, I pull up there and told her I’m not going because it looks like someone having a Christmas party (I mean it is December). After another 5 minutes of arguing lol I went up towards the door and as I get to it and my sister opens it (I’m looking at her sideways lol) all I see is my mom and Robert!!!!!!!!! Oh I busted out in tears! I’m shocked because I have no clue why he’s here (I just saw him less than 2 weeks before for Thanksgiving) and why is he all dressed up. So after he comes outside to get me to come in (yea he had to come and get me lol) I see all of my luvs…mom, the baby, brother, all my besties, my aunt and a few cousins!!!! I was seriously in awe that this was happening…and did I mention that I have on gym clothes and everyone is all jazzy lol.

So after I speak to everyone I was whisked away and got changed (YES!!!!! They had hooked a sista up). Back to the party I go and I walk into “Scandal” affair. YAY! I’m so excited because that’s my show and I’m the leading lady 🙂 . I mean all of the characters where there even Pap Pope even down to the transitioning sound (sounds like a camera shutter lol) After it’s all said and solved P-A-R-T-T-A-A-Y-Y-Y T-I-M-E. Skrrreeek….things got quiet and people looking, then I see Robert with the microphone. It’s kinda hard to me to focus on what he’s saying because I’m trying to figure out what’s really going on….then he’s on ONE KNEE!!!!!!!!!!!!! I busted out crying again lmbo. I was such a crier that night. And I finally said YES! Yea yea yea…it took me a minute or two to get it together and say yes lol. December 6, 2013. Continue reading…

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