Tag: life

Don’t Mess With Mama’s Baby

So this is supposed to be my off week, but since my Girlfriends are still on a sabbatical, no shade, (well maybe a little lol 😉 ) and because I feel like writing, I’m going to do just that!

Last weekend Sweet Pea and I attended one of her classmates’ 4th birthday party. Now I have to be honest, I was reluctant of going at first. Sweet Pea attends a predominantly Caucasian school, that doesn’t bother me, but the idea of going to someone’s house knowing we would be the “only two” made me second guess if we should go or not. I had to quickly remind myself that it wasn’t about my feelings, I needed to stop being selfish and put the focus back on what mattered, giving Sweet Pea some girl time with her peers.

So I got up, got us both dressed (as twins in black and white 🙂 ), pulled out her Cinderella dress, picked up a gift and headed to the Princess themed party! When we arrived everyone was extremely friendly, Sweet Pea was a little shy since we were in a new space, but once she saw some faces she recognized she quickly warmed up. The hosting mom had on her fairy godmother dress as she was the “head princess in charge” and got the games and activities started. We made crowns, had a fashion show, ate cupcakes and had the option of Princess Punch or Fairy Fuzz to drink, cute right? lol So after all was said and done and the party was pretty much over the kids had open free play. I sat back and watched Sweet Pea interact with her peers. I noticed one little girl who was a little bossy and blatantly told Sweet Pea that she couldn’t play with the tea set, pushed her back and handed the cup to another little girl. Okay if you know me by now you know that didn’t sit well with me at all. I wanted to jump in and take over like no she can play, but I sat back and observed to see how Sweet Pea would handle it. She didn’t let it bother her and kept playing. So then this little child told my baby “You can be my waitress”………………………………….*blank stare*……………………….

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It didn’t bother Sweet Pea because she just wanted to play, but it bothered mommy a lot! This little chick even went and got another girl and said that Sweet Pea would be their waitress. Now remember I said we were the “only two” at the party. None of the other moms were near us so they didn’t hear what was going on. Ya’ll when I tell you my ears were burning from the rage that was building up. First you push my child, then tell her that she can be your hired help….I had to remind myself that this little girl was only 4 and is only a product of what she’s taught in her home. As you probably guessed by now, it wasn’t long before we gathered our belongings, said our thank yous to the host family and left.

I play about a lot of things, but my family is not one of them. My mind was all over the place after leaving. I’m thinking like does she deal with this type stuff at school all the time? Does she allow these kids to push her around? What is being said to her, or what are people’s thoughts of her? Do I have to teach her about racism at 4? This is my baby I don’t want to have this talk with her this early, but I did. I let her know to not allow anyone to push her around, that she needs to let someone know when the other kids aren’t playing fairly and most importantly I let her know that you are no one’s waitress. If that is a job she desires to have when of age fine, but you are no one’s hired help okay!!!

Girlfriends tell me, did I overreact or was I right in my thinking? I just want to protect her in any and every way that I can. I don’t want to be THAT mom but then again I do. I know she will be exposed to a lot when she’s not with me especially this day in age but I want to make sure she understands how to carry herself and defend herself when necessary. If I could put her in a bubble I would lol But since I can’t I will continue to teach her and most importantly pray for the Lord’s covering and protection over her life.

I apologize for the length of today’s post, I just needed to get it off my chest and who better to do that with than with my girlfriends. Thanks for listening or reading rather lol 🙂

Peace & Blessings,

sig KT

 

Determined

So truth be told, I was not up for writing a blog post today (hey! I’m just being honest). It’s a cold, rainy morning here in the Carolinas. And lately I’ve been in a ragged state of mind – where I’ve lost my motivation. I haven’t hungered to do the things that I so dearly love. I haven’t felt like I’m good enough to pursue my creative talents. I’ve just been in a daze watching the people of this world around me. “Wow, that’s nice! Wish I could do something like that.” Are the types of statements I’ve been saying. Just on this “WISH” factor lately, as if things are just too impossible to happen to and for me. And yes, I know this is not the talk of a believer. But we’re all human right? And my feelings and emotions are that of human nature. I know God is dealing with me because He keeps giving/sending me the Word that enlightens and reassures me of His promises. That at the very moments He sends them, I’m all amped up – only to come crashing back down. I’m writing you from a state of “Work In Progress,” because that’s truly where I am in life right now. I’m focusing on my future believer goals, career goals, wifey goals, and parenting goals. And to some, I know that may seem like a lot, but each ties into the other so it’s not as daunting of a list. I do have faith that I will reach my full potential, develop my creative talents, and reach each of my goals. I’m not giving up or giving in. The enemy may have slowed me down but not for long. I’m determined to be that which God has called me. My prayer today is that you and I never give up! We learn to fight back harder than ever. We believe that what we see is not the end result, God has promised us so much more. We honor and seek after Him daily. And that we speak life and not death.

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Girlfriends, enjoy the rest of your week and have a wonderfully blessed weekend!

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Thoughts of a Real Mother…

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From time to time, I have these moments, that I once believed was “just me” when on the outside I appear to “have it together” and a smile on my face, but on the inside I’m SCREAMING. I love my children deeply, but some days I don’t feel like being an adult, or a mother for that matter.  Some days I miss being able to take a shower without little hands pulling the shower curtain back just to make sure I didn’t go too far.  Or to simply sit on the toilet without the both of them joining me as if I need moral support.  Some days I just want to lay in bed all day, watching adult t.v. shows (remember I’m a fan of ratchet t.v.) and eating a full plate without half of my food being eaten by the littles that suddenly become hungry again after their two plates.  Some days having the sole responsibility for how two other people end up is a bit much.   Even as I have these thoughts and type them, a part of me feels guilty.  Is this normal? Should I feel this way? What about those “perfect” moms?  At times I feel like I have to make a conscious effort to be a “good mom”. I don’t necessarily feel like it came “natural” to me.  Shoot…half the time I’m making things up as I go.  The crazy part about it is, despite feeling this way at times, when the children are away, I have no clue what to do or I’m instantly eager to have them come back.  The plus side, is they have no idea mommy doesn’t know what the heck she’s doing.  They have no idea about my sleepless nights or the planning that’s involved in trying to have a smooth evening after school.  So even on my “worst” day as a mom, I’m still their mommy and they believe I’m the only one that can drive this ship.  So I began to pray and the Lord reminded me that He’s got me and them. He reminded me of when I sat at Planned Parenthood when I just found out I was expecting my first born (I will share that experience another time), that if I trust in Him, he will always have her, that WE would lack for nothing.  To this day, God has not went back on that word.  Now I may have my “whoa me” moments, but we lack for nothing.  As I scrolled down my Facebook news feed, I saw this quote on My Motherboard page and I was inspired to share the thoughts of a Real Mother.

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“Check 1,2,3…check your company”

friend-zone-watch-the-company-you-keep    Every once in a while us ladies need to do a company check. You brothers do too, but personally because of the nature of a woman we can tend to “keep” company a tad bit closer/longer than the brothas. So lets define a few terms we all have heard before. The first term is parasite. A parasite is defined by “an organism that lives in or on another organism (its host) and benefits by deriving nutrients at the hosts’ expense”. The second term is leech. A leech is defined by an aquatic or terrestrial annelid worm with suckers at both ends. Many species are bloodsucking parasites, especially of vertebrates, and others are predators. So in other words, a parasite typically attaches or coincides with something or someone where they (the parasite) are the only one benefiting from the interaction/relationship. The parasite makes you sick as it draws things out from you that you’re unable to even see; you’ve got to rid your self of it. Think about the “real” parasite that can be ingested and often times we don’t know it until we’re sick as a dog. Although a leech is a type of parasite, let me explain the difference. See a few years back, I had a post-op plastic surgery patient that had a skin flap which we used medical leeches for his therapy. You see though a leech is often described as a bloodsuckers, which it is, or a “moocher” or a drainer, in this case it was a reciprocal relationship. We applied leeches to this man’s skin flap to prevent the blood from clotting and to improved circulation of flow to this skin flap. I would say this was a: you scratch my back I scratch yours” kind of relationship/interaction. The leech got to eat and the man’s blood flow to this particular area improved. Another thing I’d like to point out is when working with leeches, the real ones, they tended to fall off when full, sounds like some people in our lives; once they have gained from you what they wanted they walk out. Yes the leeches I spoke about helped this particular patient out, but it was still a leech, and once it received all it could hold it fell off. Now think about the company you keep.

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Good Times…

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Hello luvs! I hope the weekend was lovely. Let me just say that there’s nothing better than having good times and making memories with family. We may not always have the time to spend that we want or the opportunity to travel for visits, but by golly it sure is nice when we do get together. Can I just say that I’m blessed to have a blended family that works! To be welcomed with open arms just feels lovely 😀. Granted, we’ve been a blended family for the past 18+ years and I couldn’t have asked for a more loving set of ladies. Anyway, over the long weekend my sister, niece and I went to visit my dad, mom, sisters and nieces in Maryland. Can I just say awesome weekend! From the surprise birthday treats for my sister to church on Sunday, just an overall nice and refreshing weekend; visited a local winery shared some exciting news, and spent time with my nieces.

Schedules can’t always work out, but hopefully the time between visits will get shorter and the stays become longer. Are there any of you ladies in blended families? Do you guys face any challenges or what were your initial hurdles to get through? I would love to hear your stories 😀

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“Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.”

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

“In His Safety”

I extend my right arm high, attempting to adjust the air. Yes, as always I’m cold, but it is becoming a tad bit stifling in here. I am on the plane heading back to NC from NY where my childhood best friend got married and I just couldn’t miss it. I notice the other passengers around me becoming just as antsy as myself, we’ve been on this plane for an hour already waiting for clearance to take off. Finally we’re off in the air, the gentlemen beside me closes the window shade, I rest my head back and relax thinking back on the festivities of the wedding weekend. Typically, this is my time to sleep, in the past I couldn’t even stay awake for take off, but this time the excitement has me wide eyed. I hear the chime go off letting us know that we’re permitted to turn on our aircraft approved devices, so I reach for my kindle. Shortly after I find myself completely indulged in this new book I downloaded which I can’t seem to remember the title of right now. Suddenly, we start to experience a little turbulence, no big deal…..I have flown more than enough to where that doesn’t freak me out. I look toward the front of the plane to check on refreshments, I’m beyond thirsty and of course I had to throw away my bottle of water and refused to pay $4 for another. It should be about time we get some peanuts, pretzels, a soda or something. Turbulence again…………this time it lasted longer, the flight attendant is seated and buckled up, our seatbelt signs are back on. Even at this point I’m doing OKAY, it wasn’t until that God awful dip we took, that felt like the floor had been snatched away like on the tower of terror that shook me. At this time it seemed the plane had speed up and the plane was chaotic. The gentlemen beside me had opened the window shade to my left which preceded the screams of the other passengers because at this point our upper bodies hovered over our seat belts as it felt as though the plane was going down. I look around, look forward, looking for anything that says we are going to be okay to only find tears rolling down some faces, eyes clenched tight on others, hands grasps tight on the arm rest and the flight attendant buckled and on the phone. I hear my own pounding heartbeat racing along with my breaths. Is this really happening? I thought, I’m going to die, today right now, I began to pray and pled with the Lord to spare my life as well as the lives of those on this plane including the one that this accident was intended for. After what seemed like eternity the plane leveled out and the turbulence stopped. I continued to pray until we landed, no one ever came on the intercom to apologize or explain the experience. The flight attendant never picked up the phone to make an announcement to us, nothing was said. Once I felt the friction of the wheels hitting the landing strip, I was beyond relieve and GRATEFUL for an answered prayer. Many people missed their connecting flights, I battled with the decision to stay in Detroit and figure out how else to get home, or run clear across another building to get to my next departing terminal. Is this now playing Russian roulette with my life, I was sparred once, but now getting back on the plane was another story. So I called mom, how good it was to hear her voice as she prayed with me and calmed my spastic emotions over the phone through the airport as I ran to my next flight just as they were making the final call. This flight was bigger, brighter, no turbulence….and best of all I made it home. My nerves were still bad, but boy was I glad to be home, to see my family, touch my children, all of which was on the verge of being gone. Sunday, after this experience an old song was ministered and what as reminder it was straight from the Lord. This one is for you Saints, never forget it.

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Growing Pains…

Hey Girlfriends!!! I pray that you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday and were able to share it among loved ones!

Okay so today I’m having a mushy mommy moment! My baby is growing up toooooooooooooooooo fast!!! She has developed SO much since she started school and continues to shock me every day with new phrases and sentences. She is very observant and has quite a sharp memory! She can reenact everything from circle time at school to the flow of intercessory prayer during Sunday morning worship!! Lol! She is trip ya’ll and I love it!!! Nothing warms my heart more than when she randomly runs up to me, wraps those little arms around my neck, kisses me on the cheek and says “Mommy I just love you!” **insert tear**

I’m looking forward to continue to watch her grow and develop but can’t help but get sad when those Facebook memories pop up with all of her various baby pictures that I previously posted. Where has the time gone? She will be 4 in 4 months…did you hear me 4!!!! I don’t think I’m ready yet. I want her to stay this little forever, is that too much to ask for? Am I the only mommy that feels this way? I know I can be a little crazy sometimes, but come on now I know I am not alone!!! LOL!!!

I thank God for blessing me with the gift of motherhood and I wouldn’t trade it in for the world. The good days, bad days, and yes even the acceptance of these growing pains that Sweet Pea is developing into her own little person. Its tough to accept but I have to do it!

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And you know it wouldn’t be me if I didn’t flip the attention off myself and on to you Girlfriend! For those that have been blessed to be called Mother, treasure that title, pray for your children constantly and strive to be the best woman for the job! And for those ladies that have the desire to carry the title of mother one day, continue to present your petition to our Father. If it be His will I pray that your request be given to you in His timing!

Until next week…

Peace & Blessings,

sig KT

 

One Step Closer…

Happy Wednesday Girlfriends! I apologize in advance for my post being short in length today. My final major project for class is due this week and I have yet to start! Pray my strength!

I was going thru some of my old posts and ran across Moving Forward from March. As I read thru the post, it brought back so many memories and truly showed me how far my family has come just from the beginning of this year. We aren’t officially home owners yet, (somebody scream YET) but we are working hard and getting closer and closer to our goal. So I can stop right there and praise my Father just for that! Thank you Lord for being one stop closer!!! Hallelujah and Amen! The process has not been easy, but I do not expect it to be. Anything worth having in life you should have to work for. If it came easy you wouldn’t appreciate it as much, right?

As this year is quickly coming to an end, I challenge you to reflect back over 2015 and see how far you’ve come. Have you accomplished those goals you set in January? If not are you getting closer to them or have you just forgotten about them altogether? It’s not too late to pick them back up! Re-evaluate, come up with a strategy, start vision casting for 2016. Then activate your faith, put your trust in the Almighty Father, and know that if it is in His perfect will for your life, then it shall come to pass!

Then the Lord answered me and said, “Write the vision and engrave it plainly on [clay] tablets so that the one who reads it will run. ~Habakkuk 2:2 AMP

Peace & Blessings,

 sig KT

One Step Closer

Mr. & Mrs. Phillips, Future Homeowners

Year One…

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Hey luvs!!!! It’s been a few days, but I’m here today. Have you ever had a moment when you’re just not “feeling it”??? Yea that’s been me the last few weeks…just been in that BLAH feeling. Then one day while at work, cleaning papers off the desk and came across notes that I took last year when talking to the doctors and trying to understand medical terminology. It dampened the mood a little, but not for long. After work, I celebrated with one of his favorite drinks…San Pellegrino Blood Orange drink (even though I don’t drink carbonated beverages). I’m so excited about the small things these days. He may not be here in the physical, but the memories are just as good. Have a happy and blessed Tuesday!

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P.S.

I’m giving a special shout out to my baby brother…today’s his 18th birthday!!!!! (can we say photo-bombing lol but I SOOOOO luv luv luv this picture!)anthony

Tornado Warning

Hey Ladies, it has been more than a minute since I last posted something. There is so much that has happened, so much change we’ll be catching up for a bit. Big thanks to my GIRLFRIENDS that didn’t make me feel bad not even for a second for taking a time out just to breathe and keep my head above water.

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Tornado Warning
I sit here and raise my hands to the keyboard positioned before me. It waits to receive what I have to offer, my thoughts, the very details or the lack there of. They say its good to express yourself or “get it out”, writing is therapeutic. For me, I also believe occasionally there is a time when sooo, so very much is going on at different levels that it seems damn near impossible to grasp a hold of anything to even talk about, share, vent. Perhaps I am the only one that feels this way. Overwhelmed, flooded, at loss for words is an understatement. It was natural for me to take a moment, a break, to where I didn’t have to “face” the storm. Now I will take a moment to view this particular season in life, this Tornado. Here lately, I had watched the signs of a storm, the funnel clouds, the “I’m sorry we went with another applicant on the townhouse”, the changes within my relationship, unexpected vital car repair that of course occurs at the same time all kid related financial obligations rest in my pockets only because……I’m mom. The unappreciated moments when I leave MY sick family to care for anothers…..the work place where often times I can’t even get a “thank you”. At times in fact I’m spoken to in such a way only the Lord can hold my tongue as I provide the best care for their loved ones, my patient. Thats the other side of nursing and then you have fools on TV to make a mockery over the sacrifices made daily by nurses….with our “doctor’s stethoscope”. It had been the little funnel clouds that hadn’t quite touched ground, but enough to get my attention.
We’ve got a touchdown, July 12th after working a 12 hour shift I was woken up out of my sleep with severe abdominal pain, bloat and nausea, that shortly had me and the toilet singing “Ohhhh……Go best friend, that’s my best friend, thats my best friend” lol. Eventually I just couldn’t take the pain anymore, to the ED I go, which as a nurse its always hard to go. After some testing I had a diagnosis of infectious colitis and enteritis which 3 days later I found to be caused by salmonella food poison. THE WORSE pain I’ve experienced thus far. I lost almost 20lbs and was out of work for two weeks. Getting out of the bed seemed to be a difficult task I was beyond weak. Not to mention the complications I experienced, phlebitis from my IV that was placed and thrush from the antibiotics. That was the first tornado to touchdown. The dust has settled and losses are accounted for, but wait……is that another funnel cloud.

 

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