Shhhhhhhhhhhhhh….do you hear that?… Me either…Utter silence…

There was once a time when I had to have some type of noise going at all times. Music, t.v., water running, someone on the other end of the phone…just something to kill the sense of silence. If I can be honest for a moment, I think that silence once scared me. The thought of being left alone to just me and my thoughts made me nervous. So I kept something or someone around me to kill the silence and further push me away from what ever issue or concern that I was avoiding. That’s not the case anymore. If anything these days I’m looking for a moment of silence in my day lol Quite frequently when I’m in the car alone I prefer to ride in silence because nine times out of ten if the radio is on, I’m not really listening to it. I like to use that time to gather my thoughts for the day, or to seek wisdom on whatever question or concern I have that day. But what happens when you don’t get a response and HE is silent?

Recently I’ve been faced with a major, unexpected challenge in my life and girlfriends it has been bothering me day in and day out. I go to sleep with it on my mind, I wake up with it on my mind, thoughts of it pop up in the midst of my day. This one is difficult, I don’t think words can really describe how it is affecting me. As I told you last week, I internalize a lot and haven’t really discussed this with many people. I don’t want to, I’m already confused by the situation and really can’t handle more information or others’ opinions right now. Not that I didn’t need to before, but now is the season of prayer like never before. I’ve been lifting this up to my Father quite frequently, written about it in my journal and now penning it here in this post and yet the pain, the uncertainty, and the questions are still very present.

Like any child, when I ask, I want an immediate response. With something this major, I need a response like yesterday, but haven’t received it yet. In these moments, while waiting on “the” response, I have to request clarity between His voice and my own thoughts and perceptions. I can sometimes move too quickly when following my emotions, but am learning more and more to stop reacting and to only respond when given clearance to do so. Although it looks good on paper, in reality this is something that I still struggle with and am continually working on. When I’m upset and confused, I can build an imaginary wall, pull down my imaginary blinds and avoid dealing with the situation all together, but this time around I can’t do that. I HAVE to wait on instructions from my Master. He is the ONLY one with response in regards to my next steps. Although I would love to stay on my face in His presence until He gives me a response, I have to keep about my day, week, month, however long it takes, until He responds with the plan for moving forward.

Maybe that’s just it, even though He hasn’t given direct instructions, His silence still speaks and is powerful. Just as a child has to “wait a minute” patiently for their mother/father’s response, in His silence, I must do the same. Maybe He isn’t saying anything right now because it’s not time yet, or there is something else that I need to do before He will release His plan. I’m unsure right now, but what I do know is that until He speaks, I will not move. I will remain constant in prayer, seeking His face even the more. This is hard, speaking of this current situation, my heart still hurts, but my trust and hope is in Him and Him alone. Even in the darkest seasons, His presence is still there, speaking through the silence.

For God alone my soul waits in silence and quietly submits to Him, For my hope is from Him. He only is my rock and my salvation; My fortress and my defense, I will not be shaken or discouraged.~Psalm 62:5-6 AMP

Peace & Blessings,

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